Loving My Ex Lover

Chapter 11: Still The one

It was hard to leave, when I know he needed me. At the same time, I feel guilty for having such thought. Knowing that it was supposed to be our final talk, we've closed the chapter kung saan kami nagtapos. And I should be happy with that, pero tila iba ang naging epekto.

I am now having doubt, kung ano ba talaga ang nasa puso ko. When Lola is insisting that meron oang natitira sa amin ni Lindon, and when I saw him cried without fearing that I might laugh at him. Umiyak lang siya, humagulhol. And after weeping hard he was trying to act like a real man, which made me found him cute.

That instead of going to my place, nauwi ako sa bahay ni Gabby.

" Serious?"

Tumango ako, holding the glass of water na inabot niya sa akin after asking for it.

" Oh my gosh, Margo. Ano na?"

" I don't know, Gab. I am confused."

" Shit, confusions leads to....going back to the old feelings?"

Napapikit ako, if this continues. How will I face James? Niyakap niya ako.

" Alam mo, maybe. Nagulat ka kang, we both know how badly hurt you were back then. So, ala natin that at the deepest of your heart. Inaasam mo din talaga ang marinig ang apology niya, so kaya ganyan ang impact sayo. My advice is, go home. Get some rest. Rest your head just leave it empty, kapag nakabawi ka na. Saka mo na ulit isipin, iyong malinaw na ang isip mo."

Tumango ako, and I did follow what my bestfriend told me. Umuwi ako sa pad ko, dumiretso sa kama. Looking at yhe empty space in the ceiling, nagpikit ako ng mata. Naramdaman ko ang pagdaloy ng luha ko, and then sumunog ang hikbi, na sinundan pa ng paghagulhol. Until I found my self hugging my pillow tight, iniiyak ang nilalaman ng puso.

Love is really fascinating, just when I thought it's over. Finally, between us is done. Heto naman ang pag-ibig, ginugulo ang isip at puso ko. I am caught in between my past and my present. And all I can do now is cry this heart out, hanggang mapagod at makatulog. And indeed..I fell asleep.

Mabigat ang hakbang ko habang papasok ng gate, I've made a promise to come back for dinner. Kaya pinilit ko na ang sarili kong makabalik sa bahay ng Daddy, I saw Lola in the living room. Nanonood ng TV katabi ang Manang Lina, tumayo ito ng lumaoit ako sa Lola. Hinila ako ng Lola paupo sa tabi niya, saka niyakap.

" Ssshhh...it's okay to be sad. But it's not okay to keep pretending."

Napaiyak na lang ako, hinagod naman nito ang likod ko at pinatahan ako. Naghapunan, and I only took the soup. Hindi ako makakain, and I feel like I just want to cry every now and then.

Natapos ang dinner, nakaupo pa din ako sa dining area. Nakabalik na ang Daddy matapos ihatid ang Lola sa kwarto nito para mapaliguan ni Manang Lina, itinukod nito ang mga kamay sa mesa. Tumingin ako rito, saka ako hinila patayo at palabas ng dining area. Tinanaw lang kami ng Mommy habang palabas, tuloy tuloy kami hanggang sa may swimming pool.

" Now, what is it?"

" Ho?"

" Sweetheart, you can pretend that you didn't hear me. But, you can't deny what is showing in your eyes. Now, tell your Dad who's ass will he be kicking. Is it James' or Lindon's?"

Natawa ako, saka niya ako niyakap. Napayakap din ako.

" Alam mo, ayoko talagang makialam sa personal mong buhay. Pero I have regrets, so I want you to know. Before you and Lindon broke up, nakita ko siya sa hotel lobby kung saan ako nagkaroon ng meeting that night. He was making out with some woman, my heart got broken-

" Wait, what?"

Kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap ng Daddy, iniupo niya ako sa bangko.

" You heard me, that time. Para akong nawasak bilang ama mo, seeing how my future son in law become such an asshole. Gusto ko na nga siyang suntukin eh, or get a gun and shot him dead. Pero sabi ko, no. My daughter is an adult, and both of them are on the right age. So, I just have to let them handle it. Tapos, a week after that. Umuwi ka rito, tumakbo ka sakin and you were crying. Sabi ko, this is bad. And yes, it was bad. As bad as hearing you told me that you broke uo with him, you had set him free. Nanghinayang ako, sobra. Kasi, botong boto ako doon eh. Anak pa ng matalik kong kaibigan, I want to ask you that time kung is it because of him cheating on you. Pero, nahihirapan ka na eh. Pupunuan ko pa ba? So, tumahimik na lang ako and just tried to be a dad for my princess. But I have regret, lalo ng nakita kitang nahirapan. Sabi ko, kakausapin konna tong si Lindon. Your Mom stopped me, sabi niya sa akin. Let them be, let our daughter realize what she really wants. Huwag mong pangungunahan, of she asks for your help. Then go, but right now just be her crying shoulders. Eh di, sinunod ko ang Mommy mo. Takot ko lang ba eh. And she was right! You did realized the need for you to move on, and when you've moved on, you've realized your need to valur the person who stick beside you..but..realization won't stop there until you know to whom your heart really beats for."

" Dad-

" I Like James, he is nice, kind, sweer , thoughtful and so on. Perfect, and I have never seen you shed bucket of tears because of him. Lindon otherwise, had broke you and torn you into pieces. But honestly, a man who makes you cry that hard back then and even earlier? I think, I would believe what Mom told me."

Tumingin ako rito, seryuso ang Daddy.

" She keep telling me. Ben, si Lindon at Margo. May natitira pa."

" Sabi ko, Ma? Ano bang natira? Mom replied...Love."

Napayuko ako, tumulo ang luha ko. Maybe..or I must admit. I still heart him, and I've realized it few weeks ago when he began to pay Lola a regular visit. Iniiwasan niyang magtagpo ang landas namin, but I always find my way to him all thanks to Manang Lina for updating me always.

And when he spoke to me earlier, when he asked for forgiveness and cried infront of me. I can't help but feel hurt, kasi. Nakita ko at nadama ang sinseridad ng bawat salita niya. And I can't help but admire him for that, and with that feeling. I just went on hugging him tight, making sure he feels better. Making sure he feels my love, Lindon might have done me wrong. But now, I can't deny the fact that he is still the one my heart is yearning for.