Love The Way You Lie [being edited]

What have I done?

Sorry this chapter sucks but yeah... gosh i need to redo this entire story! i guess i'll do that after i finally finish this story. Its been more than a year and i still havent finished it! 

________________________________________________________________________________

The music was loud, the sound ringing in my ears. My vision was off balance and my speech was slurred but I didn’t care.  The soothing caress of the music and the heat of the crowd, made me forget, made me live. I swayed and danced, the music seeping into my bones, my heart, and my soul. My head bobbing, my eyes closed, my back grinding into who knows what. It was just me and the dance floor. No guilt, no Caleb, no dad, no Sarah, no Anson, no anything.

Sweat covered my body and my hair felt mangled but I paid no attention, I just danced the night away. My mind was buzzing and that could’ve been from the twenty or so shots I had, but it felt good. My heart was beating loudly in my chest and a grin was on my face as I continued to dance.

The beat and alcohol was affecting my well groomed system, but that was alright, I was alright, the world was alright. Everything was fine as long as the drinks kept coming and the music kept thumping.

I felt two hands around my waist and a body pressed up against me from behind, but it felt good, I felt good. Our bodies swayed together, attached. I could feel their breath on my neck and their heavy breathing over the music, but I didn’t care, I was beyond wasted.  I didn’t want this night to ever end.

**

My eyes fluttered open only to have them shut quickly, the sun’s rays too bright for my eyes. I groaned, my body hurting, my head throbbing. I felt slightly nauseated and my head felt as if it were splitting in two. I slowly opened my eyes and took in my surroundings.

I blinked a few times, not recognizing my surroundings. Whose room was this? My eyebrows scrunched together and a headache forming, I tried to remember what in the world I did last night and why I felt so crappy. It was then that the events of last night came rushing back to me and I bolted upright only to crash back down again when I found that I was restrained by an arm around my waist. I didn’t, did I? I asked myself.

I held my breath, my heart beating ten times as fast. I ever so slowly turned my head to the side and shrieked, but the person besides me was still sleeping soundly, their grasp tightening on my waist as their head nuzzled into my neck. My very poorly dressed and naked body went rigid.

I didn’t do what I think I did… but even I knew that was a lie, my naked body and man next to me was the only proof I needed. Guilt washed over me and my headache grew ten times worse. What had I done? What did I do? What was I thinking? But of course I knew the answers to all those questions. I had slept with another man and cheated on Caleb. What was I thinking? Well I wasn’t thinking, that was exactly how I ended up in this particular situation. I had gotten drunk and wasted last night and committed a sin. What would Caleb do if he found out?

Caleb!

I held my breath and gently pulled the arm around my waist off of me and slid out of the bed, trying to be as quiet as possible. How could I be so stupid? How could I be so reckless and irresponsible?

I searched for my clothes and found them strewn all over the floor of the room. I hurriedly threw my clothes on searching for my phone and keys, how did I get here? Didn’t Anson drive me in my car? Where was Anson, how could he let me go home with some random guy?

My heart stopped.

I froze.

As if in slow motion I looked at the man sleeping on the bed I had just occupied and took a closer look. My eyes traveled along his body, starting from his waist which was covered by a sheet and upwards. I saw his toned and well-muscled chest and arms and abdomen, and saw the curve of his neck, his skin bronzed from most likely working out in the hot sun. I gulped and forced myself to breath. My eyes traveled up further and landed on his face.

He looked so peaceful and very much attractive, but I ignored that thought. I focused on his features, the shape of his mouth, his nose, and his cheek bones. His face was basked in the sun’s glow making his dirty blond hair shine. Recognition hit me and it felt as if I were punched in the gut.

It was Anson…

My heart did a weird flip and butterflies swirled in my tummy and my headache doubled in size. I shook my head back and forth trying to make the image of his sleeping form disappear from my view, but he was still lying there, looking like an angel. I tore my eyes away and found my phone and keys on the dresser besides the bed. Tip toeing out of the room and trying to stay as silent as possible, I quickly found the exit and ran out of the house like the devil himself was on my heels.

What had I done?

I got in my car, put my key in the ignition, and backed out of the driveway, too troubled to look out for cars behind me. Thankfully the street was empty. I peered at the clock in my car and saw that it was only eight in the morning. Once at a stop sign I rested my head on the steering wheel.

“F-ck, f-ck, f-ck,” I repeated over and over and over again under my breath. “What have you done, Evony?” I asked myself.

The image of Caleb appeared in my mind’s eye making my heart wrench in the most horrible of ways. How could I do this to him? How could I have been so stupid? Tears streamed down my face, how could I have been so weak?

My phone began ringing instantly and I jumped up in surprise. I scrambled for my phone and answered it without checking the caller ID.

“Hey Evy!” Sarah said happily on the other line, unbeknownst to my distress. Not wanting to her to notice my SOS mood, I put on a sleepy voice, trying to pretend I had just gotten up. I looked around outside and saw the street empty and no cars behind me.

“Hi Sarah,” I replied tiredly, yawning for an affect. My head throbbed painfully and I felt disgusted with myself.

“Oh are you still sleeping? Sorry, I’ll call you back when you’re up. Love you, bye!” She said happily into the phone and before I could reply she hung up and the line went dead.

I stared at the phone in my hand. It was then that it began to ring yet again and this time I did look at the Caller ID, only to wish that I threw my phone out the window and ran over it not once but several times.

ANSON

My caller ID said and I struggled with myself. Answer it or don’t answer it? Talk to him or don’t talk to him? Forget him or confront him? There were many choices and I didn’t know what to do, however my decision was made when the ring tone went dead.

Maybe I could pretend that none of this happened, that this was all some sort of horrible dream and I would wake up soon. That I never slept with him and that I was faithful to Caleb. But I knew this wasn’t a dream and that I wasn’t faithful. I cheated; I cheated on the man I loved, on the man that I couldn’t live without. Yet, why was it I had slept with Anson? Why was it that the world around me seemed to melt away and time stopped when I was with him? I pushed those thoughts away and instead let my guilt consume me.

I was a horrible person, a terrible person. I didn’t deserve Caleb, I didn’t deserve love, I didn’t even deserve Anson or Sarah. I was a killer, I killed my father and now God was punishing me.

How could I be so stupid?

I asked myself once more. I rubbed my temples my head throbbing in pain, my heart hurting, and my emotions haywire. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to think.

I could pretend nothing happened and that I never met Caleb. He didn’t know where I lived, but he knew where Sarah did. But if I told Sarah not to tell him she wouldn’t, but then she would start asking me questions and I knew I wouldn’t be able to lie to her, then she would get stressed, and then she would lose her baby and then I would not only have killed my father but her unborn child. What was wrong with me? Why was I so horrible?

And Caleb what about Caleb?

Someone honked their horn behind me and I jumped a bit, startled. I sucked in my emotions and pushed away my thoughts and continued driving. I could deal with this; I would deal with this…