eat {F.W.}

part 10

finn has anxiety.

really badly.

when he found out we would be starting going out in public together as a group he flipped out.

i tried to calm him the best i could, but i was completely dumbfounded on what to do.

he thanked me later in the day, but i didn't deserve a thank you.

i realized i'm the only one here that has an eating disorder now.

there was a boy named jesse that had one, but he's no longer living here. i feel like the odd ball. but what's new?

yesterday i had my weekly weigh in. i'm still the same weight.

i haven't felt hunger lately, its to the point where i just feel empty.

here i am now, standing in front of the full length mirror in the bathroom. it's currently 1am, but i can't sleep.

i let my eyes scan over my half naked body. even my sports bra was hanging lose. underwear was hanging by a hair on my hip bones. yet some how i look at my body proudly.

i have control.

the door knob started to turn. i didn't think twice about not locking the door. it is super late after all.

I wasn't too worried about whoever seeing me, in no means was i sexually attractive. it didn't matter to me.

my eyes were locked on the door, finn. of course.

some how i knew he had known i was in here. finn's eyes scanned my body. pulling my long hair over my shoulders to cover more of me, i waited for him to talk.

"rylee, please eat. "

"finn, i want to be pretty" here comes the tears. i never cry.

"rylee look in the mirror, this doesn't make you pretty. it makes you sick."

i walked closer to the mirror, and looked at my face. grey eyes, chapped lips, hallow cheeks, under eyes prominent, pale skin, blank face. my hair framed my face, dull, thinning, brown hair.

i was decaying.

i was dying.

i was killing myself slowly to be beautiful.

"am i pretty yet?"

finn step closer to me and moved my hair to my back. his finger brushed against my collarbone, i could feel him cringe at the bone skin tightly wrapped around.

i pushed him further, i wanted a answer and he won't answer. "finn, please lie to me"

"you're perfect"

lies.

a/n okay guys so i got a message asking me if im still recovering, and yes. im now at 115 pounds. it's hard, but i want to get better.

enjoy.❤️