My Life In Months [EDITING]

The Journal-I

Nas

I hate this! But then again i hate everything in my life. Well not everything but most things. Since my collapse, everything changed. I remembered the way my mom sobbed when the doctor gave her the news, i was partially awake and hadn't informed anyone of my consciousness.

'Hajiya, i hate to tell you this but your son has leukemia!' He said. 'The bad news is it's in its chronic stages, he has no immune system at this point'

'What are you saying doctor?' Her raspy voice asked.

'He has at most 6 months to live!'

'Doctor isn't there anything we can do? Chemotherapy?'

'Well, chemotherapy is an option but it has only about 5% chance of success. And that isn't a lot'

5% chance.....

The words keep ringing in my head. 5% change. 6 months to live. It keeps ringing in my mind like some bad mantra played on repeat. But even in the worst situations, you can get used to it. I've made my peace with it, I accepted my fate and just fallen back on religion, on God, my only hope. I prayed five times daily and tried to carry on with my life, but some days the sun is just so hard to face.

'Yaya, Mum is calling you down for breakfast.' I sat up on my bed to look up at him, his emotionless hollow face. 'I'm coming down.' I said.

I remembered when his face was so full of life, so full of energy and was my best friend. But ever since i came back from the hospital, he's been cold, quiet and distant. He barely even talks to me now and always looks angry. Even without him telling me i know his attitude change was caused by me.

I lay there for some more time, thinking about how this is the final chapter of my life. About how miserable my final chapter is. I've got five months to live and I'm just watching these precious seconds tick away into nothing, irreversibly. In this sad moments of despair, i came to a decision. I wasn't just going to be miserable to the end. I'm going to get up and try to live years worth of living into a few months. I'm going to make these last moments count.

But how can you live a whole lifetime in a few months? I don't know. But I'm going to start by going out today.

★

It's been three days since my resolution, I've been going out sight seeing very often. I've been seeing this girl everyday standing at the bridge to an old warehouse. She's remarkable, beautiful in every way. She stands by the same place in the same position everyday, i pass her by without her even noticing my existence, lost in her thoughts. I might be a walking dead but i feel like talking to her, afterall, i promised myself change because in a normal situation i wouldn't consider doing that.

This is it....

Change starts now!