My Life In Months [EDITING]

V

Nas

I love her.

Deeply.

Incredibly.

But...

I'm a dying man.  

And it's eating me up inside. I can't be with her. I must but i can't. I need her. She's perfect. She's everything. But this cruel life won't let me have it.

I sat up and stared at my door. And layed back down again. The biggest problem I'm facing right now was a mental one. I thought i had made my peace with dying and adjusted my life to a few moments but no.

The irony of being human hits me. Now that I've found love, i don't want to go. I was seriously trying to figure out how to cheat death.

Sounds like a job for Tom Cruise!

I hated the fact that i cried in front of her, shown my vulnerable side to her but I'm glad she understood.

I looked around the hospital room and remembered why i was here, my situation was getting worse. I had reached stage two and i had to undergo several new therapeutic measures. She came to visit me yesterday and i could see the heavy bags under her eyes. She was worried. I hate this, I've hated this situation since the first day.

This isn't fair.

Life isn't fair.

I was frustrated, annoyed and depressed. Sometimes, most times, i wanted to just give up.

To lose this unwinnable battle.

I wanted to just end it and rest.

I will end it.

I can't continue seeing my loved ones suffer and in a constant state of worry.

★

I stood on the roof of the hospital building. My fear of heights making the three storey drop look like 30,000ft.

I looked at the razor blade on my hand. I realized that slitting my wrists and falling from that height was the way to go.

It's time.

I thought to myself. I placed the razor on my wrist and....

Gasp!

I turned around and almost lost my balance at the edge but the razor had already hit and artery and was bleeding profusely.

Her horrified face was the last thing i saw before i fell and faded to La La land.