Chaotic

Active imagination

Like most children, when I was young, I had an imaginary friend. It was something I found very comforting, because I knew he wasn't really there but it was like having a diary I knew no one could read. My grandma loved it. She always told me I had a very active imagination. The difficult thing about imagination is finding the line where it stops being cute and starts being unstable. The first time I had told her I heard a voice that wasn't mine when I was thinking, she told me my imagination was just too active for my age. And, Like having an imaginary friend, I would grow out of it. I held onto that. I pushed it aside and didn't think about it. I was in 6th grade and everytime I read alone, my voice was not the voice that read to me. I didn't tell anyone. Because I know my imagination is active. Most people grow out of their imaginary friends,my group had expanded. Except this time I didn't have very much control over them. And I didn't understand why they had so much control over me. It wasn't until the 9th grade and a very enthusiastic therapist, I was diagnosed and taught about the bodies way of coping when dealing with trauma. No one really knows the reason why dissociative identity disorder (or commonly referred to as multiple personality disorder) happens. My therapist told me it was probably my brains way of defending itself, it formed entirely new people inside of itself to remember things I couldn't. To spilt my trauma into separate sections with a little bit of rewiring. To me it sounded like his imagination was a bit more active than mine.