I apologize deeply for the girl I allowed myself to be all those years before. Toxic, manic. Driven by her own destruction. You are beautiful. You are worth the sun and the moon. You allow the trees to breath. I'm sorry I never allowed you to grow and caused you so much pain. I'm sorry I looked you in the eyes and explained just how far from good enough you were. When I cut all of your hair off and sliced open your body. I'm so sorry I could never allow you to live simply. Unapologetically. I wish I could look you in the eyes and tell you what I know now because I would have. But I am grateful for you, I could never be who I am without you. You were strong. You always will be. I'm sorry for allowing another persons self destruction to tear you down. Bulldoze the parts of your heart that were worth saving. I didn't know. I keep finding them slowly. The way you used to have such an extreme passion for music and the way your heart felt when you sang. I'm sorry for hiding all of your notebooks and locking them up. I'm trying to redeem the words you printed all over our soul. I can't help but resent you, for pushing yourself so far off of the edge. For allowing yourself to believe in so much anger. I have grown out of the shell you formed around yourself. Stronger, Happier, more patient. I live for myself and the things I love. I have found so much beauty in myself and the universe around me. I have planted roots deep and allowed myself to grow. I know you wished to be a flower. Delicate and light, the thing people pick when they want to be happy, when they want to hold something close. But I was never meant to be a flower. I was meant to be an oak tree. Deep roots and a strong hold on myself. I am not meant to be something people can move around and want only when convenient, just to be forgotten and left to die when labeled as a burden, when the weather has cooled and my stem begins to fall. I am meant to be noticed when least expected. Not praised for a short period of time but always there and always consistent, no matter how many times someone tries to cut me down and tear my pieces apart they will grow and they will always be a part of something. So beautiful it takes your breath away, something no one could ever forget. I'm not a convenience I am a necessity. So even though I remain very thankful for you, I will hold your girlhood deep in my heart. Even if we never really were one to begin with. I am proud to carry the parts of you with me and I am also so very grateful that I am not you anymore.
YOU ARE READING
Chaotic
Poetry**EDIT** so, I started this when I was 15 and haven't touched it since I was 17 I think it would be interesting now, almost 5 years later to come back to it and add some things. Just some stuff I need to allow myself to say. A lot about life. A lot...
