Darling || Harry Styles A.U.

nine

I woke to an empty bed- the events of last night rushing through my mind. I had asked him to stay... but he was gone. I knew he was here when I finally fell asleep. My body had been curled into his, his hand tracing soothingly over my back, shushing me lightly until sleep finally invaded my senses.

I sighed heavily, already an immense amount of self hatred coursing through me. Four days of knowing this man and he was able to cause a full fledged emotional panic attack. He brought my past rushing towards me- something that hadn't happened since Lennox had convinced me I was safe. And I had been safe... up until meeting him.

I slipped out of my bed, forcing the thoughts from my mind. I allowed my feet to carry me to the bathroom, no one in the hallway to see my still naked body, thankfully. My hands moved numbly, my entire body seemingly unfeeling as I turned on the water to the shower. Steam quickly filled the large bathroom, the water scorching my skin as I slipped behind the curtain. I ignored the heat of the water, hoping that it would burn away any feeling of him still on my body.

Last night was supposed to be all about freeing ourselves of the tension that settled around us the longer we were stuck near each other, but instead it ending in my emotional turmoil. I just still couldn't believe I had asked him to stay.

"Fin?" I hummed in response as I heard the door creak open, Lennox's body a shadow the curtain between us. "How are you?" She mumbled, her form leaning against the sink.

"M'fine."

"Fin." She said sternly, clearly not believing me.

"I don't know." I sighed heavily. "I... I don't know what happened last night. I was fine... then I wasn't."

"Did he say something... anything that could've... triggered you?" She asked gently, knowing she was treading in rough waters.

"No...." I trailed off, recalling what happened before the tears. "I... uh... I actually asked him." My words trailed off again, my face heating as I remembered.

"Asked him what?" She pushed softly, wanting to help but not wanting to make it worse.

"I asked him what we were doing."

"Oh?"

"I don't know why... it just kind of slipped out."

"Hmm." She hummed, pondering over her next words carefully. "What, exactly, do you want to be doing with him?"

I thought over her question for a couple minutes, lathering shampoo through my hair before standing under the water to rinse it out. "I... I'm not sure. I don't know much about him."

"Do you want to know more about him?"

"Maybe?" It came out as a question, my voice rising in pitch. "But it doesn't matter... I asked him to stay but he left."

"He didn't leave." Len muttered, my hands shaking slightly as I finished rinsing the body wash off my body before turning off the water.

"Yes he did." Lennox didn't answer me at first, her eyes catching mine as I wrapped a towel around myself before stepping out of the shower. Water still dripped down my body, but I didn't really care.

"No... he was downstairs having coffee with Grant and Clay when I came up here." She said quietly, not sure how I was going to react.

"He was?"

"He was. Him and Grant were talking about something for his class but he looked distracted... I thought maybe you kicked him out."

"No... I should have, but I didn't."