Nora

Chapter 25: Battle Scars

Just like our trip to Australia began with haste, with a sense of desperation so was its end. Three days wasn't a lot of time for us to ready ourselves for our departure. Provided that I didn't really have to do anything as my Mother took control like usual. But we were all itching to leave. My Mom and Dad because they want to get back home, get back to everyday life. They want to prepare for my death, something they haven't been able to do. They want to prepare me for my death. 

I just want to escape. I want to forget everything that happened here. I want to move on before it’s too late. I did my living and it was nice while it lasted but I'm nearing the finish line now and it isn't about me anymore. It's about softening the blow my death will bring to those who I love and who love me. Nora included. The best thing for her is for me to leave. I know it is.

"Riley, honey, can you come here a second?" Mom calls. 

I get up from my place on the couch, where I've been watching Ellen. I told you I wasn't really helping with this whole going back to America thing.

"What's up?" I ask coming into the kitchen. 

"You're Dad and I have to do some errands before we leave tomorrow. We'll only be two hours, but can you please pack your bags by then. And clean up your room. Just give it a tidy up, change the sheets." Mom says daring me to challenge her,

"No problem Mom." I say smiling at her.

"Okay, well, we'll be back soon. We'll bring back dinner. Have you had lunch? Did you take your pills?" She asks concern flooding her voice.

"Yes and yes." I say.

"Good." She kisses me on the cheek and pats my cheek. "Bye sweetheart."

"Bye." I say.

I watch her and Dad drive off. The car disappearing slowly. 

I breathe out a sigh of relief. I love my parents but sometimes it’s nice to have some time on your own. Some space to think. And I have a lot of thinking to do. 

I go back to the lounge room and sink down into the couch. Ellen is still on. She's interviewing a Mom who has cancer but isn't letting it get her down. Oh sweet lord how ironic. 

I switch off the TV, unable to see the sadness of sickness. Especially since I live the sob stories on TV every day and it's just as heartbreaking as they make it out to be. 

I pick up the book I'd abandoned a few hours ago and start reading. It's action packed, full of zombies and vampires and good fighting evil. I wish real life were like that, like an action story. Where people are either good or bad, where there's no in-between. Where it was as simple as fighting things, monsters, demons. But in real life people aren't just good or just bad. It's more complicated. Even the best of us have a little bit of bad lurking, waiting to ruin us. Even the worst of us have some small piece of goodness, of honour and bravery of compassion or love. And the demons that drive forth the story are within ourselves, in our souls. We are our own worst enemy.

I'm not saying Nora didn't play her part in our breakup, in the destruction of us, but I cannot deny I was completely innocent. I put Nora on a pedestal, I thought she was perfect. So when she did make a mistake, something I had thought she was incapable of doing, it hurt more than it should have. 

But not all relationships are meant to be. Just because I'm dying doesn't mean I'm going to get, or deserve some great love story that ends with happily ever after. I deserve to be happy yes, and so does Nora. But that doesn't mean we're going to be happy together. I have to let her go. She has to let me go. It's the only way we can both heal.