Nora

Epilogue

Nora's perspective. 

I used to think that you never got over pain. I thought that it would always be there, festering like a wound. When Hayley died I thought that the pain that consumed me would never leave, only dull. But I've learnt a lot recently. That battles are lost but lessons are learnt. I've learnt that pain is powerful but not forever. I've learnt that surprises are the best kind of gifts.

I think Riley would like me to say that I found that all out because of him, but that would be a lie. He was the largest contributing factor but ultimately everything that happens to you in life shapes who you are eventually. I wouldn't be the Nora I am today if my parents hadn't divorced, if Hayley hadn't got cancer, if I hadn't gone off the beaten track. But it's not just the bad things that happen for a reason it's also the good things. Like me meeting Riley. Like me falling in love with Riley. Like him forgiving me. 

Of course it's the bigger things, the terrible things that we think are the most influential but the little everyday happy occurrences are just as important. It's my belief in this, that keeps me going. Keeps me living for the little moments. Because so often I get distracted and just see the big ones.

I walk down, onto the beach. Where Riley and I first met. I didn't know it but that was the first time we crossed paths and changed both our lives. It's my favourite place now.

Winter here is almost bearable in the afternoons. The sea breeze can be a bit too harsh for my liking sometimes but there's usually a nice blast of sun to keep you from freezing. I still prefer summer though.

I take a deep breath. The air is almost salty. I breathe out. 

It's hard. Coming down here. It reminds me of too much but I can't help but come here when I'm visiting on the weekends from University. I don't run here anymore though. I tried once. It didn't go well.

I've just finished my first semester of University after deferring for six months and then eventually the whole year. It was easier than I thought it would be, but still hard. I've made a few friends. Not many really, but a lot for me. I think I did well on my exams but I won't find out for a week or two. I'm just happy to be doing something I like.

There aren't many people out today, it's too cold I guess. June doesn't usually bring many tourists to the Gold Coast. 

I sit down and zip up my jacket, trying to stay warm. I want to forget why I'm here but I can't. I want to forget why I'm sitting here alone, but I can't. I want to forget why I have a hole in my chest that is only, slowly, starting to heal.

Riley died on the 27th of June, at home, around ten in the morning. Today is the 27th of June, one year after.

He got two more months than he was meant to get. They were horrible, awful months. He was sick, so sick that he was hardly there but he had a few good days. He would have liked to have gotten those two extra months, to have beaten the original prediction for April. But he was too sick in the end to really appreciate them.

I went to stay around the end of March and stuck around till he died. I felt like I was imposing most of the time but his Mom and even his Dad insisted that this wasn't the case. 

When I first got there he was worse than he was when he'd left, but still somewhat okay. He had to stay in bed mostly but he was there, he was still my Riley. It wasn't till April that things got really bad. Every day we thought he'd leave us. That was probably the worst part; the waiting.

But Riley's story was, is not about his cancer. It is about him. It is about us. About his journey to living a short but full life. He got it, he finally understood in the end what it meant to love and be loved, what a great thing it was to be able to live even if it had shitty, shitty moments.