Nora

Chapter 12: Feliz Navidad

Christmas is meant to be one of the most joyous times of the year. You know it's the birth of Christ, the time to sing Christmas carols and decorate the Christmas tree and drink copious amounts of egg nog. There's also the fact that you usually get some gifts which is always rather nice. 

Is the season of giving and that's great. And I usually love Christmas. Believe me I do. But this year I just want it to be over.

I swear its not the whole Nora hating my guts and vowing to never speak to me again thing. I promise. It really, really has nothing to do with the fact that I screwed up the last relationship I'll ever have. Also having not seen her for the last two weeks and being a ball of misery is totally unrelated. 

It's just that well you see this is my last Christmas. I'm not going to get another one. I will never get to kiss someone under the mistle toe or watch my kids open up their stockings on Christmas morning or eat my Moms Christmas pudding. I will never get that again. My parents will never get to spend Christmas with me again. And the more I think about it the sadder I get. The more I sink back into my whole. The darker the black cloud gets. It's another cruel reminder that Riley Lawrence will no longer inhabit this earth in a very short time.

So why aren't I embracing the last Chritmas I'll ever have? Why haven't I got Silent Night on repeat? And why haven't I drunk all the egg nog I can handle? Because I don't want this to by my last. I don't want it to be over. It can't end yet. So yeah maybe I'm in a bit of denial. 

So what have I been doing instead of getting in the Christmas spirit? Moping mostly.

Which is actually what I'm doing right now. I'm sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and watching Ellen. 

Yes it is perfectly acceptable for a seventeen year old guy to watch Ellen. She's a cool lady okay!

"Riley! Riley get in here right now!" Why is my mother screaming at me from the kitchen?

I get up slowly and lazily walk into the kitchen. If I have done something wrong (which I don't think I have) I want to appear cool and casual. "Yes Mom."

My Mom stands in the middle of the kitchen with her hands on her hips. "What did you think you were doing leaving all this mess for me to clean up?"

I look at the benchs and see I haven't exactly been proactive in cleaning up the snacks and meals I've prepared myself today. 

"It is one thing for you to mope around this house like a zombie young man but it is another for you to trash my kitchen." She says furiously.

I almost point out that it isn't her kitchen but I don't think nows the time.

"I'm sorry Mom I'll clean it up now." I shuffle over to the benches and start putting things in the dishwasher. 

I turn back around to tackle the trail of crumbs from my cake feast this morning and see Mom slumped into one of the kitchen chairs. Oh no. 

She sees me staring at her and shakes her head at me. "I don't know what to do with you Riley. I just I don't know how to handle this. And it kills me a little bit everyday."

"Mom please. Everythings fine." I say trying to sound happy.

"Everything is not fine Riley. I thought you were doing better. I thought that maybe you could be your old self again because of that girl. But she's broken your heart and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." She starts sobbing.

Oh god. Why does the sobbing always happen when I'm around? "Mom its not your fault. And she didn't break my heart. I ruined it. It was my fault."

"I pushed you into a relationship with her. I didn't listen to your father. I've let all this happen." She's really sobbing now.