Nora

Chapter 10: Riley Procrastinates

When did it ever become so hard to tell the truth? I mean I've been a bit of a withholder of the truth in the past i.e me pretending to be cool and jock like for the whole of highschool when I was in fact a major nerd. But come on that's not lying. No one ever asked me how many times I'd seen Lord of the Rings or how long I spent on YouTube watching VlogBrothers. That's just not telling, it's hardly lying.

But now withholding the truth about one really big aspect of my ever shortening life from the girl I'm stupidely infatuated with and hoping to ask out in the near future feels a lot like lying. Damn you conscience. 

How is it that one person can make me want to spill my guts about everything that's ever happened to me? Yet also make me want to zip my lips so as not to hurt them or make them run a thousand miles? How can one teenage girl possess so much power?

Okay. I need to get it over and done with. Let's do this Riley. You can do this. You promised yourself after that dream  you would tell Nora about the cancer and dying thing and now it's a week later and you still haven't. What is wrong with you? Man up for christs sake.

If only there was a YouTube tutorial on this subject.

I've spent all week agonizing over whether to tell Nora the truth or not. I've seen her twice during that time and still not been able to tell her. And what's worse is that because each time I've intended to tell her and been a buzz of emotions the whole time we were together she knows somethings up.

So it's now or never. I have to do it before she finds out herself. 

I scroll through the contacts list on my phone until I come to her name. I press call and tell myself repeatedly not to chicken out. Today is the day Riley Lawrence. Today is the day.

"Hello," Ahh Jesus she's picked up. She's picked up. Christ now I really have to say something.

"Hey it's Riley," Please don't sound weird, please don't sound weird.

"Wassup homedog." She says in her best street voice.

"Can you meet me down on the beach in like ten minutes?" I say.

"I'm just finishing work so can we make it twenty? I have to close up. But I'll do it as fast as I can." I can hear in her voice that she knows I've got something important to tell her. She won't let me leave our meet up now without telling her. Good.

"Okay cool. I'll be where we usually meet." 

"Okay coolies. See you then dude." I roll my eyes at her bad American accent and hang up.

Okay Riley this is business. There is no getting it out of it now. You have to tell her. Like Dad said you cannot get into a relationship with a girl without telling her you are terminally ill (providing you are terminally ill of course, otherwise that would be strange to say the least). And you want to get into a relationship with her. You are desperate to. You need to hold her hand. Stroke her hair. Tell her you love her. Kiss her. None of that is at all possible until you tell her about the cancer.

If she can't accept it and she freaks out then it wasn't meant to be and she wasn't good enough for you.

Oh heck who am I kidding? She's way too good for me. She'd be too good for me if she killed 3 men and ate a kitten. She's just that good.

Okay what are you going to do if she freaks? What if she pulls a Lily on you? Remember this time you actually care about the girl you're tellings opinion and want her to be accepting. 

"Nora I have something to tell you and I know this may freak you out but about a month ago I was diagnosed with cancer and I'm going to die." I say to myself in my mirror.