the journal of life

chapter 7

I've always known what I wanted in life but when it comes to Ashton some how I feel lost. His unexpected entrance to my life took me by suprize and so did my on growing feelings for him. Form the time that I have been hanging out with him or texted him I have learned a lot. Iv learned that it only takes one text from him to make Me smile like a crazy person. Something I have never done. I love how mysterious he is. He let's me figure things out on my own which also kills me sometimes but, Although he may seem like the happiest person ever I know that deep down he's hiding something. I could tell sense the moment I met him. I not only saw a attractive young fellow , but also a part of me. A side that he apperantly is really good at hiding. Unfortunately He doesn't know that the one he laughed and joke around with was also good at hiding her reality.

***

New message: Ashton

him: im downstairs.

Me: come up then.

him: alone?

me: what ever you wish.

him: kk

I quickly stumbled to my room from my drawer I pull out my usual dark aropostal hoodie. I sink into its warmth as I pull it down the rest of my slim body. Minutes after I resive a text form Ahston

him: come outside.

Confuced with his text I head to my door. Opening it reveled Ashton, zuri and mike. I slightly smile as I open the door wide so they can come in. We all head to my room which for once was clean. At first everything is OK. Ashton told jokes, zuri did what she did best which is annoying the living crap out of us, mike sat on my couch flirting with a new comer to the group Eleanor. She also goes to my school. Eleanor and I never really talk, we said hi to each other once in a while, but friends officially. Soon everyone leaves my room for no special reason and it's only Ashton and I on my bed. To make conversation I tell him about a book I'm writing. In my book he's the mid-star character and A made up character which is troubled with life. As I go on with my story he begins to question the similarly between two of my characters. Carter and calum.

" So calum doesn't like carter?"

"no Carter doesn't like calum!" I say for the billant time,

"oh." he responded

" I don't know what to write from there." I add

" well Alex sense this book your writing is based on real life 50% of the time just write about zuri mike and I." He smirked.

" I do,and by the way its only chapter 5 and 6 are true the rest is bull."

"so the feeling between Carter and calum is real?"

" what feelings?" I nervously ask. Even though I already knew the answer. He didn't even read my book or what I wrote about him to know how I felt and I was a afraid. I had to stop him from digging further.

" you know exactly what I'm talking about." He grinned at me from the small gap between us. Shaking my head I celebrate that all the lights were off and we were in the dark or my uncontrollable blush would have betrayed me.

" yes you do. you just won't admitted it." He got closer. My breathing speeds up and my hands felt numb. Breaking the moment mike and Eleanor burst throw the door. Ashton and I jump fare apart from each other. Mike focused his eyes on Ashton then me. I look a way first considering he obviously wasn't going to do it. I watch as mike chases after Eleanor and jumps on her and begans to tickel her.

"we'll give you guys a moment." i focus my attention from mike to Ashton. I knew what he was doing and I couldn't stop it. Ashton leads both of us into my living room. Where we continue the argument.

" what do you want me to say!" I spoke first.

" nothing!"

"OK well then why did you tell me to admitte?"

" You know!"

" no!.. I don't Ashton so why won't you tell me."

" nothing!! i just agree with the girl that texted you ." a wave of shock smacked me in the face. I had forgot about  the texts. In them it explained how carter and Calum should be in love and how it would make my story even more interesting. I was out of words. Either I played dumb or I admitted what I desperately hide from him. With the coward personality I have i went with the first choice.

Dumbness.

" what texts!?"

" the one from rose."

" ohh that one!" I fakely remember

" yea"

" what...that if Carter and calum fall in love it would be more interesting?"

" yes.. it would make it more interesting." Paralized I stare back at him. Is he asking me out in some way? I was lost and fustrated. I had enough I had to abort mission.

" iv got to get a soda."

waaaow nice escape Alex....! (stupid)

leaving him on the couch I open my refrigerator. picking up a coke from the white slot I slowly walk back. As soon as I sit back down the tension rises once again.

"I don't know what to say." i say placing my coke on the small square table in the middle of my living room.

" all I'm saying is They should be together. it's just a thought." BAM.. That was the sound of me snapping.

" Ashton are we even talking about my book anymore??!" Hot radiant blood fills my vains. I could feel steam radiate off of me.

" are we... you tell me." He cocks up a eyebrow. That was the last of my patients. If he couldn't tell me what exactly what was going on I wouldn't either.

" I'm done... let's just forget about this and move on." I stand up and make my way to my room. Eleanor and Mike sat on the couch mouthing " what's going on" to me. Sharking my head I jump on my bed. Seconds after Ashton comes in. I couldn't stay,Just seeing his face made me want to die. I walk out. Ashton chased after me. Somehow he managed to get in front of me. He cornered me and blocked my escape.

" Ashton let me go...please!" I softly yell. As he focused on my pleaseings I duck under his arm and escape and head to my balcony. From the back of my room I hear Elenors and mikes footsteps. Then a bang on the door and then I watch as it opens. At the entrance stood my mom.

ughhhhhhh fuck.

Her face went pale. She eyed me and then at Eleanor and mike. Ashton stood behind me in the darkness so I'm pretty sure she didn't see him. She  walks into the kitchen and rests her hand on the white counter. I mouth for Mike and the rest to leave. Once there gone I go into the kitchen where my mom was still in her shock stage.

"mom I can explain."

" no you can." She whispered lowly.

I'm dead.

Those we the only thought going throw my mind at the moment and the rest of the night.

" I haft to go to your aunts house to help plan the wedding , but don't think we're done. We will talk about this when I return." She walked passed me and into her room. Minutes after she left. With in seconds she left my phone bursted with messages from Ashton and the rest.

Ashton: yo you OK?

mike: you in trouble

Eleanor: u ok!?

zuri: what the helllll!!!

I text them as fast and detailed as I could. Then I  go to bed and pray that tomorrow won't be the death of me.