the journal of life

Chapter 11

I stare at my blank notebook. I think back to my friend Reda. He's a poet.

Another depressing day In Spanish, and all I could think about is Ashton. Reda sat next to me like usual. I take a side look at him. Reda had been through a lot in his life, iv always felt a connection with him a friendly connection.

I walk to the computer cart and get a lap top. As soon as it boots up I plug on my ear buds. I drown my self in a song. Reda turns to me.

"What's wrong?"

" nothing....just stuff" I try to give a smile but I fail.

" you know I'm here for you." I truly did believe him. He always was there for me. Which is what I liked about him, but I couldn't telling him for a reason I still don't know.

" what you doing?" I change the subject as I turn his screen to face me.

" writing.." I look up at him.

" me to." I smile

" i know I see you." I ignored his creepy comment and when on with the conversation .

"Cool" I lean closer to him to get a better look at his screen.

" here." He said as he scrolled down to his work.

I read his poems and was amazed. He put so much feeling into them. some made me tear up. How could some one that seemed so happy could be so sad and depressed? I scroll down even further.

Love

The word stuck in my mind. I don't quite remember what the poem said , but I remember one thing and that is I thought of Ashton. I reread the poem over and over.

" you should make one" he pushed my laptop against my chest. I took the laptop and looked hard at the screen .

Soon I find my self creating a account. Once I entered my account I was asked to write a description of my work. I lay back in my chair. Reda looks at me with his emerald yellow eyes.

" i dont know what to write." i folded my arms against my chest.

" just write anything'' he turned the computer to face him as he looked at me.

'' i mean i do know what to write, but cant explain in.'' His Edward Cullen eyes gleamed as he gazed at my screen and then at me.

"well... how about this... ....words are easier read then said.'' i focused my attention from him to my screen. i type the saying as fast as i could before i would forget it. Once I'm done i press post.

***

A wise friend once told me that

' words are easier read then said."

And the truth is hes right. Its hard to explain how you feel when everyone around you expects something different from you. Or just the feeling that if you were to open up the other person would shut you out.

People are cruel and unfair... the world is cruel and unfair..... In 12 seconds your life could take a turn either good or bad and its the feeling it brings us that makes us stronger. Either its happiness or sadness there both good to feel. I for one had to learn that in a way i never interned to.

The feeling killed me but deep down in my mind i still believe it was worth feeling it.

-12s

***

I look back to my yet empty notebook. I get off my bed and go out to my living room. I skim throw the books on the shelf next to the TV. As i moved my fingers across the hard dusty books i stop at one that caught my attention.

DEATH IS A STATE OF MIND.

I pull it out and find my self starring at it. I then drop the book and run back to my room. I open my notebook and start to write

death is life

death is life in the same way

life is death.

if there is a life after death then why go through the struggles of life.

See death is a state of mind. You can be dead yet still be alive. Your soul could be

dust and lifeless ,but your heart still beats and you still breath........

BUT YOU DEAD.