I hate you, I love you - Simbar (Completed)

Part 1

Ámbar POV

Ever since that day when I... well... we won the Roda Fest, everything took a 180 degree turn. However, I can't say it was for better...

Luna is now Sol Benson, although no one calls her that... Accept once in a while,  Alfredo... Which was MY abuelo... Now I had to share that too... Share? I couldn't exactly call it share, when she got all the attention. As usual, Luna became the most important thing everywhere. She was all of a sudden the centre of the universe! It was Luna this, Luna that...

Those first few weeks were the worse... When the news that Luna Valente was in fact Sol Benson blew, nothing else mattered. And I relived all the moments and discoveries I made when I thought I was Sol, only this time from a different POV. Luna was given the pictures, the dolls, the memories I was once believed were mine. And most importantly, she was given the Benson fortune, which meant she was now the owner of everything. So yes, everything changed a lot, not only in her life and her parents, but in mine too. Though that was not in anyone's mind...

What hurt me the most was my abuelo... Even though I wasn't his biological granddaughter, I was still an adoptive one, but that didn't seem to matter now that he had his real Sol... No consolation words were spoken to me, no worries about my well-being were shown... The only times I was actually given any attention were to ask me if I had any news from Sharon... I didn't have. But even if I did, I wasn't going to tell anyone... I had already been taken my status, my friends, my grandfather, my lo... well, basically everything, I wasn't going to let them take my mother away from me too. Even if she was never one to me, even if she abandoned me, even if she left me all alone to deal with the Luna being Sol scandal, I still wanted to preserve the hope that she one day would love like a daughter, be proud of me, like normal families, like Luna's family... It was a dream, an illusion, but sometimes illusions hurt less than accepting the truth.

To make matters worse, Simon decided he had to be with Luna during the whole process, which meant I had to see him far more often than what I had expected... Now that Luna was basically the owner of everything, they didn't have to worry about being restricted to the employees or kitchen area, so I would see Simon in the pool with Luna, Simon having lunch with Luna, Simon skating with Luna... Basically, they were together all the time and everywhere, which meant that, being in the house or within 1000 meters from it was completely unbearable.

I didn't feel comfortable enough with Luna or her family, they weren't used to the luxury life, and Alfredo wanted to spend every moment awake with her, so without my godmother around, that meant I had no one to share lunch or whatever with and I couldn't ask Monica to bring me food to my room, which made my days a complete mess. For sympathy or pity or something similar, Monica would still prepare food for me as well, and invite me to eat with them but I would always make excuses and escape.

This said, I spent basically all my day out of the house. In the morning I would grab something simple to eat, pick my skates and I would go as far as I could to make sure I wouldn't find anyone (or a certain one). While they were still in Mexico, I was always with the Sliders, training and making sure every single move I made was perfect. They eventually returned so I was left literally alone.

Emilia and I had become friends, our personalities and desire for success were very similar so we got alone really well, we talked from time to time but sentiments were not on our list of topics. It was worthless anyway, so the best thing I would do was disguise my feelings and spent as much time as I could, occupied.

When I was not outside skating or simply walking, I would be locked in my room, thinking and planning how I could regain what was once mine. Talking to the mirror was no longer an option, it made angrier than anything else, frustrated and disappointed. So, I got myself a journal. It was stupid, a sign of weakness, but I couldn't care.

The only person I had left to judge me was myself and I needed this. It wasn't exactly one of those cute little journal we usually heard about, talking about silly teenage problems and the not returned crush on the cute boy. It was dark, heavy, exactly as I felt, exactly as I looked not only on the inside but in the outside as well. They say clothes are a way to express ourselves and our feelings. I didn't know who I was and I most certainly didn't want to feel anything for anyone or let the world know just how fragile I felt deep down, so the black look from the Sliders was what I went for now. My wardrobe was completely renovated, all of my cute, princessly clothes and accessories replaced by dark and emotionless ones. The only pop of colour was in my hair. I died the ends pink, so that when I looked in the mirror I always remembered the Ámbar I once was, the one that was destroyed and replaced by a better one. That and it did look pretty badass.

It was shock to everyone when I packed a bag and went away for a whole week, only to return with a new look, and feeling more determined than ever to change my life. I was Ámbar Smith, I shouldn't feel bad in my own house, in my own skin. So I made a decision. Several actually. If I didn't get people's attention for positive reasons, for negative ones it would be. And it was with that spirit that I decided today I was going to have dinner downstairs with Lunita and her family. What I wasn't counting with was Simon being there too. But the decision was made, now I had to deal with the consequences, whatever they were.