I hate you, I love you - Simbar (Completed)

Part 3

Part 3

Ámbar's POV
I close the door quickly behind me and slide to the floor. My eyes burning with tears forming. And this time I don't hold them. This time I let them out. I need it. I need to not be strong. I need to hurt. Because I did bring all of this to myself. Or better, that stupid girl sitting downstairs did... This was all her fault... Why did she have to get in my life? Everything was so good without her.
I sob and shake, crying as I never did. All the anger, sadness and evil, dark feelings escaping my body in the form of tears. It was so ugly, so weak, but I never felt so good in my life. Not good in the sense of happy, or even calm, just good in the way that I didn't have to hold everything inside because it was a sign of weakness, of failure to show such emotions. I let out a strange laugh. I had no one, literally no one, who was going to judge me for feeling? Certainly not me, because this was what I needed. I was done concealing my emotion. I was a mess; why would I hide it? No one cared. About me, more the less about how I was.
I get up and wipe the tears. It's good to let it all out but this was getting ridiculous. No need for anyone downstairs to witness this scene. I lie on my bed and look at the ceiling. My head going at a thousand miles per hour. I was wrong. No one cared about me, yes that much was true, but they didn't need to see how that affected me; how their happiness without me hurt me; how it broke me inside to know that I lost everything that I had and loved. The problem was, it was never mine to have or love. And there was no need to fool me when I said they, I meant him... I wanted to blame Luna for everything but I couldn't. I wouldn't have Simón if it wasn't for her. But I didn't have him, and if she had never appeared, I wouldn't be suffering for him.
Who would guess that Ámbar Smith, the most beautiful and wanted girl in Blake, in the Roller, would ever be truly suffering for a boy... Yes, life can be crazy sometimes...
Me going down to dinner today had a point. I wanted them to feel as uncomfortable as I did on my own house. But the cards switched and I was left even more uncomfortable. Efforts were made to make me feel welcome, but not from who I wanted, from who I cared. What was I expecting? That the guy I begged not to leave me, but did it anyways, would show some affection, concern? Please, Ámbar... Stop it... No one can really love you... When you were popular people liked you for what you were, what you represented, not for who you really were. And now that you are nothing but a complete mess of feelings, emotions, thoughts, ideas, what is there to love?
I change into my sleeping clothes as I listen to Luna talking and laughing with Simón in the room next door. There won't be peace for me today. Sleep will be my only consolation.

Simón's POV
The next day, after taking brunch with Luna (yes brunch because we stayed up basically all night since she couldn't stop rambling) she suggests we watch a movie together. Still super sleepy, I agree not really wanting to do anything that requires a lot of energy.

It was a cloudy day in Cancun, not good for a pool day and not exactly the best weather to go roller skating. It was one of those days where you just want to stay on the couch and do nothing, for as long as you can.
Since Monica and Miguel were out to visit some friends, Luna invited Mr. Alfredo to watch the movie with us. He agreed as long as he could choose and disappeared upstairs to find something for us to watch. I mentally laughed, thinking we would probably end up watching something in black and white with no one talking, but it was more about the company than anything else.
"Do you want popcorn? I do want popcorn. A movie isn't a movie without some. I will be back in a moment!" Luna said heading to the kitchen.
"Try not to burn them, okay? Remember it's only three minutes!" I joked and could feel her rolling her eyes while closing the kitchen door. A wise choice since we wouldn't want the whole house smelling like smoke. Carolina (the maid here in Cancún) wouldn't be too thrilled about it when she came back from her shopping.
I grab the remote and start binge watching, not paying attention to anything, my thoughts on dinner last night.
A click sound of shoes on the stairs breaks my thoughts and I turn my attention to the source of the noise. Dressed in a simple but oh-so-flatering black dress, paired with a leather jacked of the same colour with silver details, was Ámbar. Her bangs were pulled up and she had less makeup than yesteday, making it very obvious that she had a rough night. My heart skipped a beat, worry filling my body. I noticed she had a big black bag on her shoulder and figured she was probably going out to skate.
"Are you going roller skating? The weather isn't so good..." I let out without even thinking. Ámbar, who hadn't noticed me yet sitting on the couch, blinks and then raises her eyebrows, her cold mask now taking over her features.
"Simón, we are not partners, or friends, basically we have no bound, so I don't have to give you any explaination..." She spits, copying the words I had once told her and heads outside, slaming the front door.
Just then, Luna comes from the kitchen with a puzzled look on her face. She then looks at me and smiles. "I thought you had left without saying a word!"
"What? How would I ever do that to you?! It was Ámbar who just left..."
"Oh... Yeah, she does it everyday... She is either outside or locked in her room..."
"I guess she is feeling the consequences of everything she has done... I told her winning the Roda Fest meant nothing. Not when she lost everyone in the process... You know what, I don't want to talk about her! Where's the popcorn?"
"Oh Simón, the popcorn!" Luna exclaims and runs to the kitchen. I shake my head laughing. Her real name might be Sol, but there's no better name for her than Luna. She does live on the moon!
Mr. Alfredo shows up on the stairs, holding a black box in his hands.
"Simón, it's good to see you have waited for me! Where is my granddaughter?"
"She forgot the popcorn, again, and just ran to the kitchen. May be I should go check out just how serious the damage is!"
"Oh, Luna... I wonder where she got that distraction from... Not from me of course, I always know where my head is!" He plays, winking. Luna was sure just like her grandfather. If they were left all alone I don't know what would happen, but it sure would involve some unpleasant events.
After rescuing Luna in the kitchen (fortunately she acted before anything happened), we settle on the living room. Mr. Alfredo already has his chair reserved, and I sit next to Luna on one of the bigs couches, her legs on my lap.
"What are we watching, granpa?"
He opens the box and takes an old cassette (something I haven't seen since I was a kid). Of course we were watching something from last decade...
"Well, my dearest Luna, I actually don't know. There aren't many movies around this house. I looked everywhere but it seems like my daughter wasn't a fan of the seventh art. However, I was able to find an old box with several of these cassettes. How I love these! So I am sure it must be a good movie! Everything that is old is amazing, just like myself!"
We both laugh as Mr. Alfredo prepares the movie. The living room had a big TV, bigger than any I had ever seen, it was modern but it looked like it had little to no use, since Luna and I spend a whole morning (my kind of mornings) installing what was needed to actually watch anything there. But, nonetheless, there were other old devices on the tv table, one of which was a cassette reader.
Everyone is on their places when the movie starts. A date shows up: 22/07/2007. Well, it wasn't as antique as I though, but still I was 9 back then. The first moments of the movie are strange, the only thing is a cement path and a garden on the sides, no people or voices, just a fixed image. The scenery looks familiar, but I can't make sense of it.
"Isn't that the Buenos Aires mansion?" Luna asks but before anyone can say a word, her question is answered.
"Are you going to show me anything or not? I don't have time to waste and you know this sun makes my head hurt..." Ms. Sharon's voice is heard talking.
A few seconds later, a blonde little girl shows up at the beginning of the path. She has her roller skates on and a confident posture. Ámbar. She starts skating, not simple skating, giving a show actually, putting her personality and own moves to it. So little and yet so good, obviously she had a natural talent. She skates in reverse to the begging of the path and takes a deep breath, clearly preparing for something. Mini Ámbar starts skating again and jumps, making a perfect rotation in the air but failing the landing, which causes her to fall on the ground and scratch her knee. She quickly gets up without saying a word.
"Seriously, Ámbar? This was what you had to show me? What you wanted me to film? I already told you I expect nothing from you but perfection. If you can't get something right, don't show me. I don't want to see failure. Or something basic. And don't even think about crying. If you can't skate, then don't. If you want to take this seriously, then you can continue, but if it's only a childish game, this ends now. You need to focus on what is important... I was told you arrived late at your French class and didn't get every answer right. Is that how you expect to get in the Paris University? Oh Ámbar, you have so much to learn... Now get changed. You have to get back to your studies." Sharon criticizes the little girl in front of her, who doesn't move an inch all the while. The video is over just like that and no one speaks a word.
Everyone is absorbing the fact that an 8-year-old Ámbar, looking so happy and free while skating, was called down for not landing perfectly a move that's clearly advanced for someone her age and for having fun. How instead of motivation words, only critics were uttered and how a kid was told she had to worry about college, not having time to play.
Mr. Alfredo sighs. "My daughter... This is what I talk about. She corrupted Ámbar. She made her who she is. My poor girl... I should have been here to avoid this and all the evil she has done... To you too Luna."
"It's not your fault, granpa..."
"Oh it is Luna... I am to blame for who Sharon is... I didn't give her the attention she needed, she was resentful and became someone with a cold heart. And then, she took it on others, even on her own daughter, who she was never able to assume to the world... I wonder why she even adopted her... What did she want with this?"
"You can't blame yourself! People make their own choices! But look at the good side, Ámbar continued skating and she is amazing! She was given the opportunity to go to a really good school, where she, again, is amazing!"
"Yes, yes... Luna you are right! But look at what cost... This is just a bit of how she grew... I don't even know a third of it... However, I can see it affected her, oh if it did... How can someone raised by Sharon be good-hearted? It's impossible! And now that Ámbar doesn't have Sharon, I thought she would be better, that she would make her own decisions, be her own and truer self, but it actually made her worse..."
Everyone gets quiet again, probably lost on their own thoughts... I can't take the image of that pair of blue eyes, filled with tears, but none shed. She was so little, so fragile, all she needed were words of consolation, of pride for what she had been able to do and not hurtful words about what she wasn't. Ámbar might have grown with everything, but the most important, which was not material, was love. I know I had lots of that, I know Luna has had it too, but what about Ámbar? I guess I was right when I told her she wasn't able to love because she was full of hate. But, now, now I understand part of it wasn't her fault. And somehow, knowing and seeing what I just saw now, made my own hate for her diminish, being replaced by an extreme urge to hug her and tell her she didn't have to be perfect all the time, the only thing she had to be was happy.
Luna gets up and hugs her grandfather. "You know, granpa, I think what Ámbar needs is love. So if she sees she has that, may be who knows she can change. We are here to help her. Right?"
"Oh my Luna, you are too good for this world. Yes, we will help Ámbar! But we have to make it subtle or she will close even more..."
Luna nods and then starts forming a plan. I can't really focus on what they are saying. The only thing I can think are two images of Ámbar on the verge of crying. One when she was 8 and the other when she asked me to stay by her side but I didn't.