I Love My Love

freestyles off chardonnay

one night i stared at myself in the mirror.
i asked, "who are you?"
i remember responding through my subconscious,
"i'm me..the only person i know how to be.
i wouldn't consider myself gorgeous..
but some days i've learned how to be pretty.
my body's alright, but i could use a sit-up or..fifty.
i wear hoodies during summer
because tight dressed are too risky.
more than often my hair is straightened..
when i was younger and it was curly
everyone would tell me i looked dirty.
i smle fairly big..
even when inside i'm really dying..
i smile fairly big..
even when inside i'm really dying..
my reality sets in after dark
once i've questioned myself about why i've been lying.
i'm the type of person who's always running.
good things come to me if i'm lucky.
it makes me feel really good when he says he loves me..
but sometimes i cringe when he touched me.
i wonder why sometimes my mom barely hugged me
whenever she would-it was her tryna be funny.
i wanted to tell her about my new man from Kentucky,
but i know she knows he probably just wants to fuck me.
i guess i'm good at speaking because i have all these supporters
but what they don't know is i sleep in the fucking corner.
in a one-bedroom, living with five people.
'clustered like vintage finds from that one time,' words from a hoarder.
i'm not really sure who i am..or who i want to be.
i'm not really sure my reflection was meant to define me.
my dreams keep me trapped because society has confined me.
every day i get told i should model,
someone who looks like me shouldn't have a brain like mine.
but..i promise i'm fine.
i'm just waiting on the day happiness truly finds me."
snapping back to reality-
All these things I never realized had me hurting.
All these things I couldn't let anyone say to me or about me.
It's easy to pick out flaws but what about the positivity?

that night i left who i was in that mirror