Against All Odds

You Have The Personality Of A Slug

A/N Really long chapter this time! Enjoy Cato, Haymitch, and Effie all irritating our main character Katniss! :)

"It's official. You have the personality of a slug!" Haymitch fumes. 

"I do not have the personality of a slug! I don't even like slugs!" I snap as I glare at him.

"You're right," Haymitch nods, to my great surprise. 

"I am?"

"Yes. You have the personality of a plastic bag, not a slug."

If looks could kill, I swear Haymitch would be dead against the wall with at least 5 arrows protruding from his face and chest. Unfortunately, since looks can't kill, my glares do nothing to him. 

Haymitch sighs, and says, "Look, we obviously can't cast you as the sweet little innocent girl. You don't even know how to smile!"

I open my mouth to interrupt but he waves me off and continues.

"You're not sadistic or badass enough to be the vicious girl, and from what I've heard, Clove, the district 2 girl, has already mastered that persona. You don't laugh and you have absolutely no sense of humour, so you can't be the funny type. And you don't look good enough for the sexy role, like Glimmer." 

"So basically I have no angle?"

"Well, you can just.... be yourself during the interviews. It's the only option left." 

I nod. 

"Oh, and Katniss? Do pay attention to the mannerisms Effie teaches you because it's obvious you very much need educating in this area."

I glare. 

Then, I get sent off to Effie. 

The entire thing with Effie is a disaster. It consists of Effe commanding me to do something, and me doing it exactly how I would back home, which Effie calls the "rudest way possible". 

First, we work on eating soup. It goes something like this: 

"Katniss, let's practice eating soup, okay?"

"Why the hell would I need to practice eating soup?"

"Because you're eating it wrong!"

"It's soup. Is there a wrong way to EAT something?" 

"Yes! You have to scoop the soup away from you so if it spills it gets on the table, not you!"

"Well I don't care if it gets on me!"

"You will when you're in a lovely dress having a fancy dinner party with the president!"

"Which means NEVER, right? Because I will never have dinner with the president in a dress." 

Then, she tries to teach me how to walk. And I figure that I will need this one for the interviews, so I make an effort. 

"Katniss, you're a girl, you need to sway your hips more!"

"What do you mean, more? I'm swaying a lot! If I sway my hips any bit more, it's going to make me look like a fat pendulum swinging back and forth. Then I'm going to fall off the stage."

...

"Ok now you've perfected the walk, you need to practice it in high heels!"

"What?"

"Oh goodness, hasn't Cinna told you that you'll be wearing high heels during your interview?"

"No!"