Don't Be A Fool

Chapter Twenty Six

After sitting in my hotel room having a battle with myself, I finally decided what to do.

I go and quickly change into anything I can grab first because I'm in a hurry.

I grab a black tanktop and pull it on and put my thin, black jacket over and I zip it up half way and put the hood over my head so that no one will research my face.

I pull on some black yoga pants and then my Nike sneakers. I put on some dark sunglasses and then leave outside to get a cab.

The drive to Shawns apartment was the longest drive ever. Or at least it felt like it.

I payed the driver as he pulled up in front of the big building. 

I get out of the cab and stand still where I am. 

Should I really be doing this?

My feet start moving and I go inside the building. With so many thoughts and emotions rushing through me right now I make it to Shawns apartment door.

I hesitate for about a minute before knocking. There was some sounds of movement coming from inside before the door opens.

"Rose." Shawn says surprised to see me.

"Uh Hi." I say and put my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

"What are you doing here?" He asks me with a sound of hope in voice.

I think of what I want to say, but I have a hard time saying it.

"I was wondering if you had my bag from earlier. I uh...left it with you." I say and his face drops a little

Why am I an idiot? Just tell him you freakin love him!

"Yeah I've  got it. Come in and I'll get it." He says and I nod and follow him inside.

I awkwardly look around and just stand in one place. I watch as Shawn grabs my bag from the couch and brings it to me.

"Here." Says and grabs the back of his neck after handing it to me.

"Thanks." I say softly and we both just stand here in silence for a moment. 

Everything in my body hurts right now. Not in like a physical hurt kind of way though.

"So uh-" Shawn began to speak just at the moment that I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"I love you." I blurt out and he looks at me with a bit if shock in his face. "Wow that really just came out. I just...I love you."

"Rose..." He begins to speak but I hold my hands up.

 "No let me finish." I say and he nods.

"I love you. I always have no matter how much I tried to convince myself I wasn't. Yes I loved Joe but never like I loved you. Shawn I can't do it anymore. Not without you because I feel like I can't breath, I can't sleep and I just...I just can't. It's you. It's always been you. " As I'm speaking  I see Shawns eyes watering a bit with tears.

"I know we ended things because we thought it was for the best. Shawn I just...it was for the best. I know that now." As I'm saying this Shawn gets closer and closer to me and I feel a year come down my cheek.

I look up at him and speak again.

"Shawn why did you let me go? When we broke up. How come you didn't chase after me?" I ask the question I asked myself for weeks after we had broken up.

He stands so close to me that I can feel his warm breath on my face. 

"Rose. I never wanted to let go of you. I never stopped loving you one bit. I thought it was what you wanted so I left it alone. Just because I let you go doesn't mean I wanted to." When he says this I smile and so does he.