A Change in Life

Of The Mind, Heart, and Soul

I didn't move, nor did I stand there staring at the two any longer than the split second I had seen their moment. My heart felt like I'd seen my own parents die in front of me and I could feel my body switch into different modes of being sick, hurting, and the need to run. Instead, I cast my eyes to the ground and trued to breathe. 
Right, I'd be fine. So long as Taka was fine, and so long as he was good I'd be fine yeah, right okay.
I wiped away the tears that had managed to form for some reason in my eyes and closed the restaurant as Taka and his now girlfriend walked home together hand in hand.
I had homework to do anyways. 
As I worked on my biology homework the scene from before replayed itself over and over in my mind, so much that I was starting to be distracted by it and I threw my pencil down on my desk. Looking over at my clock, I saw that the time was about 11:48 and I sighed. I was almost halfway through notes and homework for all my classes. I rubbed my face slowly and let out a long breath as I slumped to place my head on my desk. Everyone at home was already asleep, so no one made any objections as I opened the back door and sat outside with my computer. I pressed play on my music and dived back into working on the outside ledge of my house.
The weather seemed to embrace me, and the cold kept me awake. With half my body inside and half outside, I wrote down my homework and finished everything I needed to. Once that was done I closed the door and slept in my futon. It's strange though, that that scene I had saw so much earlier that had caused me so much pain was just a scene now. I suppose I managed to numb myself of the pain then.

That next morning Taki continued her morning as usual, and kept with it. Every break she'd manage to see Taka and Kitsune together, pressed tightly next to each other as if they were a punishment from the divine gods for something she'd done in a past life. Taki's eyes slowly dimmed from how they were at the beginning of the year, and she barely stood up to walk over to Jizuo and Kitsu with Mizu. The three noticed how she smiled in fleeting moments, and had tiredness written on her face. Her grades were another thing though. She dove into her studies as if working to turn into a machine, with no feelings and no ties to people.
However, the worst thing was the rumors that had started to spread as her grades skyrocketed and she began to be less social.

"They're callin ya a slob! A cheater 'n they keep sayin your gunna get cut!" Mizu exclaimed angrily at me.
God, was she okay?
"Mizu, it's fine. They're just hearin words someone said. It's got nothin t'do with me. As for the team, we all know it ain't gunna happen." I finished writing my notes for math.
"Right. Y'know we're all worried bout ya? Ya hardly ever come see us durin break. 'N you always come in lookin like you never slept." Mizu hugged me tightly and I rested my body against her as I returned the hug.
"I know, but there's nothin I can do bout it. Look, we got a game durin' lunch later. I promise ya that those rumors'll go away. Okay?" I looked down at Mizu, and her eyes seemed to tear up a but before she hugged me tighter and nodded.
"I don't wantcha hurt ya hear?" Mizu cupped my face and I laughed at her.
"Yes Ma'am" I confirmed her words and we both settled back down as class started.

English was over soon enough, and with an energy I only had for the game that seemed to by my lifeline, I ran down the stairs and met up with my teammates in the locker room. The captain of the girl's soccer team grinned at me.
"Girls! It seems like our little Thanh here has made a name for herself as a slacker! What do you say about that?" Cap called out to the locker room, and the group of familiar faces smiled fondly at me.
"Bull!" They cried out along with me.
Cap smiled triumphantly and leaned in as we all began to get dressed.
"This game is a game of our worst players and best players. The only bad players are those who disrespect their family, which would be everyone in this team. We are one!" Cap stated furiously and we agreed just as much. Mizu shouted loudly next to me and I was ecstatic. This place was a heaven even the gods couldn't have seen on Earth. A group of third years and second years protecting a bunch of first years. A family.
"The plan is this. We know Thanh is not one of our lower players, as she is ranked in our top five players in this team. Kitsune is the only person who has insulted her by spreading the rumors, and I thank her friend for telling me personally." Cap stated bluntly and we all grinned at her way of talking.
"We'll be put into groups. This whole girls team aside from Thanh will be placed on one team, and Thanh, you'll be put with all of the gym kids who are very obviously not interested in playing. This opportunity will either make or break you." Captain turned towards me and placed her face close to mine and her hands on my shoulders.
"You have to go all out. Kitsune will try and bring you down because she thinks she's better. She may be, but I hope she's not. Good luck. We love you." No wonder Captain was a Captain, she was a third year with a way with words, and at her words I nodded my head eagerly and they left the locker room. My team, my family, patted me on the back. Mizu was the last one out.
"You'll be amazing Taki. I know you will." Her eyes shined with the same encouragement I remember seeing when I had to introduce myself on day one, and I hugged her tightly. Once we pulled apart, she patted my cheek playfully and left.
Thus, I was alone in the locker room until the game started in ten minutes. I remembered something to ease my nerves and dashed to the tree I had sat under with Taka and sat down. I smiled contently as the sun shined on my face and I sprawled myself out on the ground, then, I played the song.
Just like on that day, the guitar spread through my earbuds and let me take a deep breath until I felt fully calm. I was nervous, I was scared. I was sad. Nonetheless, I was going to fight. My eyes opened to look at the tree, only to spot Taka sitting right against it, by my side. I quickly scrambled up as my heart jumped. It was a quiet jump, like a hop. Nothing like how it had been before, but I knew that if I stayed one on one with him for too long, everything would rush back. From the fleeting casual touches and brushes of the hand, to smiles only seen by us.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, putting up my phone and earbuds.
Taka stood up and didn't say anything to me. His face was tense and his eyes looked dark. He was going to say something he might regret.
"Everyone heard there was going to be a game between you and Kitsune." Taka stated. His tone was emotionless, as if he were trying not to show anything.
Funny how I could still read him when all he did was never pay attention to me.
"...." What could I say to him? With his tone? With how he looked?
"Don't hurt her." A simple sentence, that sent my heart into a numbed sort of feeling.
"Look," I heard myself start emptily, the first time I had talked to him like that. He seemed shocked too.
"I don't care whether or not you two are together, or that you decided to just hang out with her without a second glance at me again after everything that I thought was going well. I do care about soccer. Don't tell me not to hurt her in a game where my life is on the line." I was angry, and pain seared through my chest.
"It was your lovely Kitsune that spread those rumors like it or not, and this game is going to show the whole school if they're true or not."
Taka seemed to step forward and I saw in his eyes that I was starting to cry.
"I bet you believe her too don't you?" I whispered.
His eyes glowed with guilt, and at that point that was enough.
"Kenjiro Takagana, I'm going to tell you and everyone else that she's wrong. I'm going to tell you who I am. Try to listen closely." I stopped the hand he had raised that was close to resting on my cheek and placed it back by his side. Then, I left.

Kenjiro Takagana was....not feeling good anymore. Originally, he'd been with Kitsune until she had to leave and prepare for the game, and he was going to the stands to watch when he passed by the tree. The only memory he had there was with Taki, when they had first met. It was strange but nice whenever he remembered. Strange because it always gave him a different feeling when he saw the tree. Sometimes longing, sometimes bliss, it could bring him up, or it could drag his mood down. Sometimes, it brought him guilt. He'd done the exact same thing with Kitsune under different trees, with different songs, but it was never the same kind of memory with her, if it was ever even a memory. That was when he spotted Taki smiling laid out in the grass. His heart warmed itself in glee, but his mind told him it was the sun shining on him, and he sat down against the tree and watched her. Taka slumped and ran his hands through his hair in frustration at how Taki had been.
She looked hurt, and angry. Why was that?
'Because you liked her too, and you left her just like she said' his heart whispered.
'Because she simply doesn't like Kitsune.' His mind stated boldly.
His heart and mind were talking to him, and his mind was winning with a sharp pain as his heart cried out in objection.

The game was starting soon, and the words all left unsaid that Taka had never heard were all goin to be screamed until the gods of every religion themselves heard it.