disturbed [book three] ✔️

[chapter eleven - gone]

~DEMI'S POV:~

I sat down on the bed that was in my cell as one of the guards stood in front of me to take my handcuffs off for the night, "You have a good visit?" He asked me.

I nodded as I stuck my wrists towards him, "It was... alright. It could've been better but I still enjoyed it."

Out of all of the guards here, this one was never rude
to me and I didn't even know his name. He only worked night shifts three times a week, he would talk to me every once and a while. Our conversations would never be super important or anything like that, just small talk.

"That's nice to hear," He replied as the cuffs fell into his hands, "You'll be getting another round of your medication in the morning, do you think you'll be alright tonight?"

I nodded as I traced the top of my right wrist with my fingertips, "I should be okay. I haven't noticed anything today and nothing bad has seemed to happen." I admitted.
"No blackouts?"
"Not a single one," I faintly smiled, "I've had a clear day."

"Great," He replied as he shoved the handcuffs into his front pocket, "Have a good night, see you in a few days."
"You too! See you soon."

The guard closed the metal door to my cell as gently as he could, then locked it from the other side. I sighed as I slid back towards the wall to sit up on my bed, as much as my lower back has been hurting me today, the last thing I wanted to do was lay down. I stared at the toilet that was attached to the wall across the room, this was the only thing that I had in my room to focus on and it obviously wasn't distracting me from my racing thoughts.

Ever since I've lingered away from my blackouts these past couple of weeks, I had a feeling that the reason to why I was in this place was because I did something terrible... but over the time I convinced myself that it couldn't be that bad. I manipulated a poor little girl, I killed my best friend, I set my daughter up to be murdered.

My own fucking daughter and I don't remember any of it.

I was grateful that I blacked out most of the time but at the same time, I hated it, because while I was blacking out a completely different part of me took over. In the beginning, I remember fighting it at first, thinking it was nothing serious and that I had it under control but now I regret not doing anything about it. I was embarrassed, terrified and confused about what was happening. I remember telling Mike that I didn't want to have any other problems on my hands and that I could fight the episodes and handle it on my own, of course, he couldn't tell anyone about it without my permission and I never knew that I was harming people during the blackouts... and now he's dead, I wish I knew why I decided to kill so many people.

Before I knew it, tears came spilling down my face like a running faucet. My mouth quivered trying to fight back the sobs that were trying to escape my body, but the fight didn't last long as my head flung down and my eyes squeezed tightly as my mouth flew open. I could feel my tears roll off my of my chin then splash down onto my wrists, my entire body was trembling at this point and I couldn't manage to make it stop.

Just as I thought I was done with my emotional breakdown, a wave of pain ran across my abdomen and caused me to clench onto the lower half of my baby bump. My eyes shot open as I bit my bottom lip waiting for the pain to pass, and eventually, it did.

"Okay..." I breathed, "That's my body just telling me that I need to calm down." I mumbled to myself.

I wiped my cheeks in an attempt to dry up the tears on my face, then began to scoot over to adjust myself to lay down onto my pillow. The moment my head rested down, my thoughts started to race again. I quickly shut my eyes to try to think of something else but I ended up seeing a memory instead, it wasn't something that I was familiar with.