Ready or Not

Heaven Forbid

(Language warning)

Her eyes fluttered open to the bright white blade of the hospital lights slicing into her eyes. She felt herself being bathed in hands. One resting on her upper arm, one on her leg, one on her shoulder, two on her abdomen. She took a deep breath and finally noticed the plastic mask that was clamped tightly to her face, the rubber digging into her cheeks. She cautiously brought her hand to her face to pull it off, until a shooting pain wrought through her body. Her vision was blurry but she could hear the faint myriad of voices around her.

"Abdominal wound"

"Head lack"

"Broken femur"

"Sucking chest wound; seems like she has a plastic shard between her 6th and 7th rib on her left."

"O2 stats sinking... she's awake! Somebody give her some cyclobenzaprine!"

"Her lung is collapsing I need a chest tube!"

The words buzzed around her head, suddenly dissipated to the searing pain that had consumed her chest and risen out of her mouth in a breathless gasp. Blood spurted from her mouth and she shot up from the bed, blood coating the inside of the plastic mask. Shouts echoed around her and she felt her body go numb, limbs tingling as her eyes fluttered shut.

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Alex woke to the calm shift of doctors about him, bright white light smudged then together and he propped himself up on his elbows. Meredith rested a hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him down.

"You need rest. You took a pretty hard fall. Seems like you had a concussion in the accident but you'll be okay." Alex's eyes shifted around and his eyes filled with worry.

"What about Jo?" Was all he could make out. He felt pitiful as he looked up at Meredith wearing nothing but the flimsy hospital gown, arms connected to fluids like wires pumping life into him.

"I don't know Alex. Last I heard she was stable. She's been in the OR for a few hours now with Hunt and Amelia." Mer smiled sadly down at him.

"Relax, I'm going to check to see how she's doing. I'll be right back. Promise." She glanced up at the heart rate monitor before heading back towards the ER desk, grabbing a file and disappearing down the hall.

Alex felt like he was swimming, his brain throbbing and floating in a sea of fluid. Probably had pretty high CF pressure after the concussion. He knew he shouldn't sleep but he felt his head loll back and his eyes drift shut despite it.

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Paul sat on his gurney in the ER in silence. He briefly caught glimpse of Alex through the ruffle of curtains but he was quickly out of sight. An IV ran into his arm, connecting him to the metal pole beside him. He flexed and watched the ligament stretch the skin around it, then released with a sigh.

He glanced at the sea of doctors swarming around patients like sharks to fish. Every once in a while he would catch a nurse giving him a dirty look, or a doctor gawking. They all knew by now. Who he was. What he'd done. They had been handed his mistakes on a platter and thrown it back in his face. Every time he caught someone staring he wanted to shout. He felt the words rise in his chest and boil in his brain.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE STARING AT"

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?"

"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"

But the words instead boiled deep inside him, leaving his mind fuzzy. An intern cautiously made her way to his bedside. She held the clipboard tight to her chest and her arms were tucked to her sides.

"What do you want?" Paul grunted and turned his head. The intern shrunk back and scratched the back of her neck awkwardly. Her eyes were wide like a deer caught in headlights.

"Uhm. I was assigned to observe you. I'm supposed to run a blood test and check your vitals. Is... Is that okay?" She stumbled over her words and Paul could see her shivering despite the fact that it was 70 degrees in the hospital. He held out his arm.

"Fine. Do whatever you need." He leaned back into the pillow, his other hand resting behind his head.

The intern sighed, it looked like she had been holding her breath since she had come over. She began to draw blood, constantly checking the heart rate monitor as she did so. Obviously an inexperienced.

Paul let his eyes wander around the hospital once again. He caught glimpse of someone familiar. Robbins? Hm. What a coincidence. He chuckled to himself, the alcohol finally wearing off and leaving him fuming. The intern fumbled, dropping the vial of blood on the floor in a series of futile grasps for it.

The glass shattered on the ground and the intern cringed at her mistake. Paul grunted and sat up, furious.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Jesus, you can't even draw blood right! How the hell are you going to be a surgeon?" He slammed his fist into the side of the bed and the intern flinched rather dramatically. She silently cleaned up to vial before slinking away to the desk, where Paul saw her furiously hand his file to another intern. Paul smirked.

The new intern was a short little guy with wide lensed glasses that warped his eyes. Even through the warpedness of the lenses, Paul could see the dark bags under his eyes, weighing his upper eyelid closed. He glanced over the file and up at Paul, wincing his eyes at him.

"Don't worry. I don't bite." Paul teased. "Hey, you can draw blood right?" Glasses gave a weak nod. "Good for you, unlike that other nimwit."

Glasses didn't seem to be even the slightest bit bothered by Paul's banter. Too busy ruffling through case after case. He reminded Paul of his first 48-hour shift. Glasses resumed the blood draw with no errors, although it looked like he could do it with his eyes closed. he must have done 20 just today.

"Hey... Do you happen to know how Jo Wilson's doing?" Glasses looked up at him, Paul could see the gears turning in his head as if just registering something. Glasses grunted.

"Oh. It's YOU." Glasses flicked the tubing a little harder than he would have but otherwise seemed careless to Paul.

"What you have a problem with me or something?" Paul leaned forward towards him with a menacing look in his eyes that never met his mouth, which remained in a dull line. Glasses shrugged and shook his head, taking the vial.

"Honestly. I couldn't give a fuck about you right now. You don't scare me you abusive prick." Glasses calmly slugged away, fear replaced by pure exhaustion. Paul leaned back furious and needing to vent out his anger. He threw his head back into the pillow in boredom. Still with no information on Jo. Damnit.

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Alex woke up to Meredith sitting at his bedside with a somber look on her face that sent chills down his spine.

"No." was all he could make out of his dry mouth. Mer shook her head softly.

"No what?"

"That look. No. She's not dead. She can't be." His eyes were glassy and Mer shook her head again.

"She's not dead but she's not doing well Alex." Alex let out a sigh of relief. Not good is better than dead. He thinks so anyway.

"Can I see her?" He asks meekly. Meredith nods but the hope in his eyes doesn't reach hers. She takes his hand and helps him up from the bed.

"Let's go then."

His legs were shaky but he stood despite them, bringing the IV with him. Slumping down the hall he felt a sense of dread pooling in his heart like tar in a pothole, weighing him further down to the ground. His shoulders rolled and he hunched over as Mer guided him forward. Terror filled his eyes. How bad really was this? Would she recover okay or was it all hopeless? Heaven forbid.