Our Song

Thoughts

A/N: If this seems random, it kinda is. It is my transiton, so it's just a collection of their thoughts.

Do soulmates exist?

How would you know? Would it have to be romantic? No, I don't think so. I think that it could also be a strong friendship, which I thought I had. I thought that Paul and I would have that, I guess not. I guess I can just be left in the dirt. It's not his fault, well not completely, maybe I contributed to it too.

I think that there is just that one person, that one person who takes you by storm, that person who is like no other. The person who makes you laugh no matter how bad your day was. They let you throw your arm over their shoulder. The person who will talk to you at three o'clock in the morning. 

I don't make any effort to talk to him, but he doesn't talk to me. It feels awkward for some odd reason, like the past six years of building a friendship never happened. No, it can't just disappear, can it?

I thought I knew what love was. Maybe I'm still finding out. 

You know everyone loves their crooked neighbor, with their crooked heart. People call me insensitive for saying that, that he didn't mean too. That he was just trying to find his sound. That's all bull shit. He knew what he was doing.

I still love him though, you know that brotherly love.

In the end, maybe I'm just insane. Maybe I just take things too literally. Maybe, I'm too sensitive.

You know that little sound you hear when it is dead silent. Yeah, I hear that sound all the time.

Maybe it's just an illusion, no I think otherwise. Maybe it's just coming to tell you that you've got no one. Maybe, it's just coming to haunt you. Maybe, it's the past ringing in your ears.

Everyone knows, even Paul that I am quite. No one can hear me. No one notices me. Isn't that the best feeling? No one will stare at me. No one will judge me. Though, no one can hear my ideas. I have so many ideas, so many thoughts.

My life isn't all that bad, not at all. I just wish I could keep a friend. Friends make me happy. The close ones. The other people that just use me, they could go, but I just want that one person to be there for me, to be a best friend. Maybe, I found that person. Sandy. If I can't keep Paul around, then maybe Sandy will stay. Maybe, Paul will come back.

Yes, Paul did impact my life, quite a lot really. You may say I'm whining, I wouldn't disagree, I'm just sad that we couldn't make it work. I hope someday we could rekindle what we once had.

He taught me how to spread my wings and fly. Without him, I don't think I would ever get the courage to sing on stage, much less sign with a record deal. He helped me get the courage to become a solo act for a short time after we split, I was Artie Garr. Real original name, I know. But I owe a lot to him.

When I was a kid, I had become fascinated with music, Paul did too. That is what built our friendship from the start. That is what brought the bond.

I never understood what had happened.

 ***

I would say I'm a fairly carefree person. I can let things go fairly easy, at least that's what I think. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just in need of attention. Sometimes I wonder if Art was the person to lift my spirits and give me the attention I wanted, what I longed for.

I'm just a guy from New Jersey. Just a short, chubby-cheeked boy. Yeah, isn't it hard to get around with looks like that? At least that's how it feels. I really never had any confidence. What does it matter anyway? Nobody cares. Nobody cares if you feel down in the dumps about yourself. There is always that person who does care. The person who will listen to your nonsense. I lost that person. 

It just isn't fair.

I'd smile. He smiled too. I felt sad. He was the person to comfort me. He felt lonely. I made him feel better. When I'm broken. He puts me back together.

Our friendship was made of love, of happiness, and togetherness. Our friendship was like a drug in a way, you have it for a short time, but when you come down you long for more.

We pass each other on the streets all the time. No words are spoken. No eye contact even. Where is the love? Well, it's deep down. We just need to bring it back up. The chain must be broken. It's unreal.

And no, there is no gay components to our friendship, at least I think so. Maybe I'm just pushing away my feelings. Maybe I love him, I don't know yet. I might have had a crush at one point, I don't really know.

Why is goodbye, so terrible? Well, it's the fear that you will never say hello again.

Beautiful things are so easily shattered.

What happened to a happy ending? Do they exist? Do you need a horrible thing to happen, just to get your prince charming? Every happy ending is different for everyone, at least that's what I think.

Is love just an urban legend? The dragon that is yet to be seen? The fairy in the garden. Can I ever find my garden or my dragon?

Sometimes I wish I could hit the rewind button.