learning | sope [ON HOLD]

003

jimin was just as shocked as yoongi, and clearly as uncomfortable as him. jimin always planned to stay and study in daegu or go back his home town busan. never in a million years would yoongi think jimin would come to seoul, jimin said he hates seoul. yoongi also never thought he'd see his first love and first heartbreak again.

"i'm going to the library," he says bluntly, not looking at jimin or hoseok.

"but hyung, don't you wanna stay and get to know jimin?" hoseok pouts a little.

"no. i said i am going to the library," he closes his laptop, sliding it into his backpack, grabs his phone and his dorm keys then leaves with his threadbare backpack slung over one shoulder.

yoongi always found the library calming and he could write well there. he sits in a chair near a tall, bay window, it was snowing again. that'll be a pain to walk through.

yoongi opens his laptop and stares at the blank page. no new ideas filled his head tonight. the elegant and royal feeling of the library didn't inspire him. there was only one thing on his mind: jimin.

yoongi met jimin in his first year of high school. when they were dating yoongi thought he found the one, his for ever after. he felt safe with jimin, like no one would hurt them. like it was just jimin and yoongi against the world. in high school yoongi wasn't blunt and dull like he is now, he was just shy and quiet. jimin brought him out of his shell, they were your cliché high school sweethearts. well, until graduation. things went downhill. yoongi was lulled into a false sense of security.

yoongi swore to himself that never in his life would he ever let someone in like that again. the hurt he assosiated with love and relationships was so bad he ignored the whole idea completely. to him love was like desiring a luxury, getting it but feeling disappointed because it was a mere desire, not a necessity.

he huffed and rested his pale hands on the cool keyboard. writer's block. the story he was working on was like the one your aunt would read for leisure: forbidden romances, mysterious love interests with sultry eyes, awkward yet cute situations. he didn't like branching out his style and genre of writing, it was always romance and in third person. yoongi guessed that he wrote so much romance because of the lack of romantic action in this his life, maybe he longed for it, maybe he wanted to experience, once again, what being truly and deeply being in love feels like. as soon as these thoughts fill his head he pushes them away, remembering his past experience.

running his fingers through his neat, charcoal hair he leaned into his seat. today he felt like doing nothing, or wanting to do something. he felt as if the lack of creativity was weighing him down, the short paragraphs and shallow adjectives where the ball that was chained around his thin ankle. he yearned to move freely, to express his emotions through his writing, to escape whether it be himself or reality, all was impossible as of this moment, he was chained to the cold, hard truth. min yoongi thought that he was a terrible writer. his love and passion for writing could never outweigh the talented he lacks, as much as he enjoyed writing the stories didn't have a clear structure and the plot was usually hard to follow. the stories wouldn't flow and they were filled with unrelated metaphors, he didn't understand how he manages to pass his assignments. sighing, yoongi pushes his laptop closed.

yoongi crossed his arms, laying them on his laptop. he rests head his atop his arms and blinks his eyes closed, drifting off. before he could properly sleep, a finger tapped his shoulder urgently but gently. an attractive male with a round nose and soft eyes stood before him, round glasses framed his face and chocolatey brown hair brushed his eyebrows.

"uuh, excuse me but do you know where the student union is?" the pretty male asked.

yoongi shrugged and shook his head trying not to make eye contact with him.

"oh, okay, i'm jungkook by the way," he spoke and anxiously stuck out his hand.

"yoongi," he stated and briefly shook jungkook's hand.

"i hope to see you around," jungkook smiles brightly and wonders out of the library, leaving yoongi alone with the stories and his empty, empty brain.

——————-

he dragged himself back to their dorm, fiddling with the keys he pushes the door open. empty. hoseok and jimin must've gone out, yoongi sighs and flops on his bed, hoping it'd just absorb him. he spent the rest of his time in the library staring off into space and thinking, about hoseok, about his failed dreams and aspirations, his stories. yoongi rubbed his eyes and sat up, leaning against the beige wall. his side was bare and minimalistic, whereas hoseok's side was bursting with colour and the walls were covered with posters of the angry teenagers and tall skinless creatures.

yoongi yanked open his dresser drawer, pulling out a sweatshirt and sweatpants, both bare and black. once he'd done changing, he slid back under the duvet, the cozy and warm feeling was just what yoongi craved.

he pulls the duvet over his head and closes his eyes, his face grows warm from his breaths. hoseok has been on his mind all day like usual. his heart shaped smile which, to yoongi at least, seemed to glow always lingered in his mind. he cursed his hopefully little crush on hoseok, it was painful enough that he was yoongi's roommate, now jimin is added into the equation. yoongi really used to love jimin. key words: used to.

he emerged from the duvet and his head sank into his pillow, it's fluffiness making yoongi drowsier and drowsier. he closes his eyes, the darkness and emptiness of their dorm made yoongi feel lonelier than ever, he hated to admitting it but he missed hoseok.

that night, yoongi drifted off to sleep with the beaming hoseok on his tired, restless mind.

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