Let Love Bleed Red

Chapter 20

*Ashs’ P.O.V.*

How the fuck was I going to tell Eoghan? I mean, I know he’d be supportive and love the baby and all, but he’d probably have to give up to college, give up everything to help me care for the baby. And I couldn’t do that to him; make him drop everything because I was stupid enough to get knocked up.

I sighed, my heart feeling heavy. I rested my hand on the slight bump of my stomach. The sooner I did it the better. At least then I could cry and mope and feel stupid without worrying about Eoghan seeing me.

I was in the sitting room watching TV but not really taking in what was happening on the screen, when the door opened and a dark head peered around it.

“There you are!” Eoghan walked in to the room and sat down on the couch beside me, putting one arm around my shoulders. “What’s up?”

Now. I had to do it. Not in the house though.

“Hey babe!” I plastered a big fake smile on my face, feeling sick with nerves. “I’m kinda bored, how about we go for a walk on the beach? It’ll look beautiful with the sun setting.”

We always went to the beach so this didn’t come off as weird to Eoghan who kissed the tip of my nose lightly and said “Nothing is as beautiful as you, sweetie.”

So corny, I know, yet I had to turn away and wipe tears from my eyes. I was going to miss him, miss his silly jokes, his corny compliments that always made me feel good, his warm arms, his gentle kisses..

“Come on.” I stood up, still not looking at Eoghan. My hands were shaking slightly and it was a huge effort to try and make them stop. Eoghan stood up and took my hand. Our hands fitted together like two jigsaw pieces..

“What’s the rush? The beach and the sun will still be there in ten minutes you know.” He smiled playfully at me, unaware of what was going to happen once we got to the beach.

“You know, you’re right. I’ll get my shoes and a hoodie.” The longer it took to get to the beach the longer I would have with him.

I stumbled up the stairs and pulled on my beat up old converse and a hoodie that I had taken from Eoghan. I sat on my bed for a minute, looking around the familiar room that I had shared with Casey, before trailing back downstairs.

Eoghan was ready and waiting so we set of, walking along the worn footpath, the setting sun shining down on us while cars zoomed past us. We passed my old house which I would start living again soon before finding an apartment somewhere. I hated that house and dreaded going back to it, even for a short while.

At the beach the view really was breath-taking. The soft pale sand spread out in front of the blue-green sea that stretched as far as you could see, before meeting the orange and pink streaked sky of the setting sun. It was like something you would see in a movie.

I walked down to the waters’ edge and took off my shoes, leaving them in the sand. I let the cold water lap at my feet while I looked out at the sunset, tears gleaming in my eyes.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Eoghan take off his shoes before coming to stand beside me, taking me hand.

“It really is beautiful, isn’t it?” He whispered over the gentle lull of the waves. A single tear slipped down my cheek.

“Eoghan..” My voice was shaky and not very loud. “Eoghan, there’s something I need to tell you.” Oh God, how was a supposed to do this? I cleared my throat so I was slightly louder.

“What’s wrong baby? What is it?” He turned me around to face him. Tears starting sliding down my cheeks, I could taste the saltiness on my lips. Eoghan wiped some of them away with his thumb.

“Ash, what is it.” He put one hand on either of my shoulders and looked into my tear filled eyes. I took a shaky breath.

“Eoghan.. I’m breaking up with you..” It came out as barely a whisper but he heard me. His hands slipped from my shoulders and he looked shocked. Salty tears flowed down my pale cheeks and now I didn’t try to stop them.

“You’re-you’re breaking up with me..?” Eoghans’ voice sounded hollow, dead, emotionless. I gave a small nod, not daring to speak. “W-why?”

“I’m s-sorry Eoghan.. I love you s-so m-much it hurts. But t-there’s someone else I love j-just as m-much, and they need m-m m-more than you d-do..” I looked down as I said this and my tears fell on to the soft golden sand around my feet.

“What do you mean ‘they need you more’? Is there another guy? Because no one needs you more than I do Ashley!!! I love you, I fucking love you, with every fibre of my being!!! I want to be with you for the rest of my life, I want to marry you!!!”

“Eoghan that’s not what I..” I trailed off. He wanted to marry me. He thought I was cheating on him. That’s not what I wanted him to think! “You don’t understand! I love you too!!! I need you too!!! You have been the thing that made my life living these past two years! You saved my life!!”

I was yelling too at this point but Eoghan just turned away from me, running his hands through his hair, muttering to himself.

This was worse than I thought it would have been, my heart was torn into little fragments of a whole and it was all my own fault. I tugged on Eoghans’ hoodie, he turned around and I kissed him.

I kissed him like I had never kissed him before, trying to pour all I was feeling into him. My tears mingled with his and fell on to the sand below. I ran my hands through his hair, like I had done a thousand times before, only this time it was the last time I would do it.

Eventually I pulled away and looked into his red rimmed eyes. “I love you Eoghan, and I’m so sorry..” I whispered to him. “I wish this was different.. You’re going to make some lucky girl very happy someday. But I want you to promise me something.”

He didn’t show any signs of agreement or anything so I went on. “I want you to promise me that you will move on. Forget about me, go to college, get a good job. Live your life. Promise me that, please..”

Eoghan gave the slightest nod. I gave him a watery smile before turning away. I got my shoes and walked away from it all. From Eoghan, from the beach, from the sunset. I kept walking until Eoghan was far behind me. Only then did I let myself dissolve into fresh tears.