Mine (Inuyasha Fanfic)

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"Nothing could compare to the sheer anguish I felt when Kikyou betrayed me. But even then, I still loved her. Until I found someone new, who loved me from the start and never betrayed me. She's my everything now..." Inuyasha to Lady Kaedes grave

Rin wiped the contents off of her mouth. Her stomach rumbled and she was breathing heavily. What the hell is wrong with me? She wondered to herself.

She leaned against the tree and closed her eyes. Rin sighed raggedly.

I did it, she thought weakly. She told Sesshomaru how she felt. Not about everything, but about the fact that she needed some space from him for a while. He needn't know why. It wasn't as important as the fact that she needed to get away from him and find out what she really wanted to do with her life.

She couldn't be with him until all these insecurities left her. She had to wait until she stopped feeling so...so...dirty—so filthy, if she ever could. The visions of the rape—she shuddered—had to go away, or rather, return to the deepest realm of her subconscious it had once resided in.

And she had to find some way to let go of this new fear she had of making love to him, so that when she returned to him she'd do so with open arms and a body willing to give him pleasure—if he even allowed what just happened to take place again.

She had a strange feeling she'd hurt his male pride by rejecting his touch. She most likely did.

Rin stood up and wiped her kimono down. There wasn't any dirt there; it was just something to do. She spun around and began walking back to the camp sight. She had her chance to calm down and relax the nervous jitters that took place in her stomach.

She couldn't believe what had just taken place with her and Lord Sesshomaru. It was beautiful and it was magical.

Until, he made that move, of course. Until he reached down to the part that still ached and still throbbed for him.

Gods, she'd never felt so wonderful in her life until he kissed her and made love to her breast. He made her feel so treasured and so beautiful. Just the feel of his skin against hers made her brain shut down. It was incredible. Truly, it was. But then he...

She shook her head. It was best not to think about it for now. When she actually left him she would begin to mull over the things she planned to do next. She had to consider her options: Stay by his side, but never make love to him in fear of the pain? Or, start all over again in a new place with her brother, Riu, and never make love to anyone again.

The decision, she knew, would be difficult, because it would be permanent. After she chose what to do, she planned to stay in whatever predicament she put herself in, for the rest of her existence. And that's why she needed time with herself, to think.

Sesshomarus presence, unfortunately, did not allow that.

Rin continued onward, brushing branches aside and kicking rocks and sticks away from her path.

She had to be able to think rationally about her relationship with Sesshomaru. He desired her, yes. But he never said he loved her. And she doubted he ever would. She was a mortal—something he hated, although she seemed to be the exception—and she was definitely not eternal. How could she have a future with him knowing he'd live forever? How could she do it knowing that she would grow old while he stood young? Sooner or later he'd become weary of the old woman she would become, and find a new mate. And that would devastate Rin. It would rip her already broken heart to pieces.

She sighed. What was she to do? She loved Sesshomaru more than she loved herself. He was her savior. Her life. Her everything. But she didn't want to drag him down with her frailties. He was so strong; he didn't need a human like her.