Can't Move On [Larry]

Chapter 1.5

Louis had been miserable all day, nothing but Harry on his mind. It's almost 8:00, now, and Louis hasn't moved much other than getting up to take a shower and putting clothes on. He didn't know why he got dressed, it wasn't like he was going anywhere.

At least, he didn't think he was. Not until he got up with intentions to go downstairs to get dinner, because he was hungry, and ended up running into Zayn at the top of the stairs.

"We're going to the movies." Zayn announced, taking Louis' hand. Liam and Niall were downstairs already, and he'd called down, so Louis guessed Liam and Niall hadn't exactly known about it, either.

"What movie?" Louis asked, trying to sound excited. It was difficult, though, because nothing excited him or made him happy anymore. Well, Zayn did, but that was only sometimes.

Harry's coming back. Louis' mind said. That should make you happy.

Louis shook that thought away (because that was a lie) and tried to tune into what Zayn was saying, following him downstairs. He had forgotten about his hunger, deciding it probably wasn't important anyways.

"It's a horror film." Zayn said, glancing at Louis then back at the stairs so he didn't fall. "An American horror film. A lot of people say it's really good. Are you up for it? You don't have to go, if you don't want."

"American horror film." Louis repeated. American horror film. "I'll go, yeah. I-I like horror films and, like, America."

Zayn chuckled. He let go of Louis so they could both but their shoes on. Liam and Niall put their shoes on, too, already buzzing about the movie which they seemed to have heard of as well. Louis was surprised he didn't already know what it was, but then he wasn't, because he doesn't really pay attention to media or television or anything he isn't forced to. Most of the stories nowadays were rumors of how Harry had died or fans doing things in memory of their beloved Harry Styles. It was sweet and all (not the rumors- they were brutal sometimes) but Louis just wasn't up for hearing it.

The ride to the movie theater consisted of Niall and Liam talking about the movie and Zayn holding Louis' hand, both of them completely silent. Zayn was only silent because he was focusing on the road and clutching Louis' hand at the same time. Louis was silent because he was always silent.

Why did it all feel so real? Louis asked himself. It was just a fucking dream, and dreams aren't supposed to feel real. I'm not supposed to feel the sun or feel myself sweating or feel Harry's lips on mine. It wasn't real, so why did it feel that way?

Louis shook his head again, trying to rid himself of those thoughts. It felt real because I'm an idiot. It was just a dream, and I'm over-thinking this. Stop.

Then they were at the movie theater and Zayn was letting go of Louis' hand to unbuckle himself. Louis almost sighed in relief, but then Zayn would assume something was wrong and would proceed to ask Louis what was wrong as if he didn't already know.

So Louis stayed silent and thanked God in his own mind. He unbuckled himself and got out of the car, taking Zayn's hand as he walked over to Louis. Surely this movie would get that stupid realistic dream out of his mind. It had to.

It didn't. Louis sat there and tried to focus on the movie, but his mind wasn't having that. His thoughts always trailed back to Harry, even with Zayn's arm wrapped around him and the scent of his cologne and Niall's popcorn in his nose. All he could think about was Harry. Harry, Harry, Harry.

Louis was pretty relieved to get home. The movie was Hell. He sat there, uncomfortable in his seat and mind but comfortable in Zayn's arms and thought about Harry. It was so agonizing to have Harry on his mind all the time, especially now that he had false hope in his heart that Harry actually was coming back.

It was a constant battle with himself. One side of him told him that he was an idiot and that Harry wasn't coming back. The other side of him told him that he was right for thinking Harry was going to be alive again, that it was good to have that hope. One was logical, one was hopeful, and it was tearing Louis apart.

Louis climbed in bed, feeling as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He climbed under the blankets at the same time as Zayn. He felt even more relived when Zayn wrapped an arm around him. Zayn pulled him back to reality, which was even more confusing and lead to another internal battle, because imaginary Harry was pulling him into a hopeful, beautiful world, and real Zayn was pulling him into ugly reality and keeping his head on straight.

Louis curled into Zayn, who chuckled and kissed him. Louis kissed him back desperately, clinging to him when they pulled away from each other. "Goodnight, Zayn, I love you."

Zayn was surprised by the sudden affection (not that Louis never showed him any love, because he did that all the time, but that seemed desperate- something more. It was) but he didn't question it. "I love you too, Louis. Sleep well, babe. Sweet dreams."

Sweet dreams or a beautiful nightmare. Louis thought bitterly as he closed his eyes. He hope he didn't dream about Harry- not again. His dreams were the only place he could get that haunting curly-haired fucker out of his head.