A Cup Of Tea

Chapter Nineteen

3 months later

Dear Diary,

Anna convinced me to start writing in a journal to so I can talk about the wonders of pregnancy....whatever that means! I ended my junior year with a protruding belly, but not very many people seemed to notice. Amanda noticed and made it her priority to mock me for getting 'knocked up', but I didn't let her words offend me...not one little bit....okay....maybe a little. By the start of summer, Woody and I were best friends again and Anna and Marty started to date, but c'mon...we all saw that coming! Kara got over Henry and has been playing me a surprise baby shower for the end of the summer, when I'm six months, but she's not very secretive...she left an invitation on my dresser by accident. I'm not going to let her know, though. My dad has been...very supportive of my pregnancy, and so have my brothers...except Jake. He won't even look at me some days...I can't last the next 5 months with him hating me for this one mistake...speaking of mistakes, John has made a few! He won't invite me to hang out with him and his friends because I'm 'showing' now. Plus, he still hasn't told his parents about me being pregnant with his child. I know his parents are strict, but it's time he told them, before they see me pushing a baby in a stroller and get the wrong idea. Despite all the things he's doing wrong...he happens to make up for it by being so cute!  Anna spends almost every waking hour at my house feeling my tummy. She wants to be the first to feel the baby kick, but the baby hasn't kicked or anything yet. These things you can't rush. Anna's also been buying teddy bears and covering my bed with them. It's a cute gesture actually. She and Marty have this chalkboard hanging on the refrigerator with a bunch of different baby names on it.

GIRLS:

Jamie

Armenia

Lynda

Kennedy

Maria

Nicole

Kimberly

 Tea Jr.

BOYS:

Bryan

Tucker

Noah

Luke

DJ

Lloyd

Johnathan Jr.

I shake my head at the names each time I open the fridge, but I do kinda like the name Noah, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a girl. There's enough boys in my life...and I'm starting to realize that boys are more complex than I could ever imagine. Aside from the major baby stuff...I've gotten ONE BIG QUESTION from a few of my other minor friends...

"Are you and John going to get married?"

Well the answer is obviously NO! I love John with all my heart, but this baby is seriously driving us apart. I want him to be more open and he wants it all to be a huge secret. I don't want to be his guilty secret...I want to be his pregnant girlfriend...minus the pregnant part, but beggers can't be choosers. So...I don't know about him...actually I don't know about US! Plus he's going to be gone the whole beginning of summer. He goes to Bible Camp every summer for a month...so I won't be able to see him until July...it's nerve wrenching...I would really enjoy being around the father of my unborn child during this time...especially since my emotions are high and low...low most of the time. I cry about having flies in my room or if I run out of tissue paper...sometimes I cry because I'm crying! Then I get too happy at other times, but that's unlikely most of the time. I'm a lot more gassy, but I'm not as nauseous as before, but occasionally I have to puke what I've ate for breakfast...or 2 weeks ago. Despite my constant vomiting...I've gained 5 baby pounds.

I'm still don't have that 'glow' that pregnant women are suppose to have...maybe because I'm not a pregnant woman, but instead I'm a pregnant girl...who still growing, while having a baby growing inside of her. It feels weird to think about sometimes. John and I are going to be parents....we're 17...we're young...and now we're trapped. I wish I could be more optimistic about this...I wish I could see this as my chance to be the mother I never had, but I feel as if I'm not going to be happy...Don't get me wrong...I'm going to love my little offspring with all my heart, but...I can't feel excited right now. I can't be happy and I don't understand why...