Unfixable

Chapter 8

I wake up to see its pitch black outside the windows of my room, I check my phone and it shows its already nine pm and a text from Liz

"I'm on the plane, I'll be there later tonight or tomorrow morning, but I have to turn my phone off, see u soon"

I set my phone back down and I throw my fluffy white blanket off me, which sends poor little Toulouse, who I had no idea was there, flying

"oh my God Toulouse" I pick him up, set him back up on the bed, and pet him for a second then head to my bathroom.

I turn on the water on, undress, and wait for the tub to fill up, I look at my reflection in the full body mirror. I bring my hand to my face and run my fingers across my now more prominent cheekbones. I look at my chapped lips, pale skin, and black bags under my eyes. if to walked into an audition for the part a zombie I'd get it with just my appearance rather then any talent. I look over at the tub and see its filled, I turn the nobs and the tap stops running, and lower myself into the steaming water. I rub my scalp with shampoo and little pink bubbles appear on my head just like before. after I'm done washing I just sit in the warm water for awhile and think, which usually isn't a very good thing for me.

I dry myself off and walk back into my room. too lazy to put on pajama pants I grab a long comfy white sweater that goes past my butt, and wrap my hair in a messy bun then walk down the hallway. I go to Frankies room to look for him but he's not there, so I head downstairs where he's probably reacting some Broadway show for Alexa and Jai. halfway down the stairs I hear voices, but not Frankies singing voice.

"Jai, stop, Ariana should be getting up any minute now" I barely hear one say, I tiptoe closer so I can listen better

"Did you see her? She looks like a freaking walking dead" my mouth falls open "she could be asleep for days"

"Yeah but still..."

"But still nothing" and then silence. I decide to peek over the corner of the wall to see what the hell is going on, When my heart drops to my stomach and my breath catches in my throat.

Right in the middle of the living room on the big brown couch Alexa is sitting on Jai's lap and he's holding her, their to tongues practically down each other throats.

All I could manage to get out was a tiny little squeak

Alexa looks at me and her eyes fill with so many emotions I can't describe them all. But there was only one in mine. Pain.

"Ariana!" She jumps up from Jai's lap, whos sitting there as still as a statue.

My eyes go back and forth between the two of them "why...?" I choke out with tears streaming down my face

"Please let me explain" Alexa takes step towards me.

But I back up away from her and run the other direction back up the stairs as fast as I could, which wasn't very fast. I can hear both of them calling my name but keep running until I'm in my room all alone.

I lock the door behind me, I feel like my heart was ripped from me and torn to shreds right in front of me, but still leaving my lifeless body with the unbearable pain of a broken heart. I start pacing back and forth in my room, And then my brain kicks into action. "I'm such a idiot, how could I not have know? I thought they loved me, but they don't. No one ever will. Why would they? I don't deserve it, I don't deserve anything. My family, my friends, my career my fans, My whole life....Nothing" my face starts to feel like a waterfall of tears. my breathing gets heavier and heavier. My feet take me across the wooden flooring of my room to the bathroom, my shaky hands open up the cabinet below the sink and grabs something thin and shiny, I look at it with eyes so watery I can barely see anything. Silently sobbing I fall to the ground, holding the thing as if it was a precious jewel. "Four years clean" I tell myself over and over, having it echo around my head. And before I knew it those four years were gone within seconds as the blood starts dripping down my arms causing puddles below each wrist that match my hair. I stare emotionless as each crimson drops fall making the puddles now mixed with my tears bigger, and bigger