Beautiful Disaster (on hold)

3

Dedicated to this angel sunflowerRainTurtles

As human beings, we all have that one desire we would choose among millions of others. One thing we would do whatever it takes to attain, to get, and to hold with no will of letting it go. What she had felt for him was one of those. It was something she was willing to give up everything for, as long as she gets the man, everything else comes next.

She was laying on her bed, replaying what had happened earlier the other day.  After the really short chat they had, it felt nothing like anything she had ever felt before. It gave her some sort if hope, that he would come around. How or when didn't matter to her, just to get him to actually acknowledg her was everything.

The way he had control over her, the way he made her feel was beyond her, or any other human's control. Smiling, she carried her hand and placed it on her chest directly where her heart beats. It was beating so vigorously by just a mere thought of him. Thinking about him was her escape. It took her to a place beyond what reality could ever get her. And right then, she looked up and said a prayer to God, for making it possible for her to store in her mind a picture of the most precious face her eyes had ever seen.

Only him and none other could make her heart beat at such speed. Only Zaid, no one else!

"Zaid, My Zaid" She muttered with a bewitching smile that lit up the entirety of her face.

It was a lazy day, the weekend was dry and she had nothing else to do but stay indoors. Her father was away on a business trip, so it was just herself and the maid. Her day was not usually that dry, because she had countless of hobbies.  One of them being listening to their old maid Mama Atika tell her about her mother, and tales about village life that usually left her intrigued.

Mama Atika had been like a mother figure to her, and she was more like a family member than a maid. She had been working for her parents for a long time, even before Salwa was born. She had a very close relationship with Salwa's mother, they were like sisters that lean on each other's shoulder when they needed it. After Salwa's mother perished, not before being sick for a long time, Mama Atika assume the role of a mother in Salwa's life. But that itself, is a story for another time.

Zaid had occupied her mind and kept it busy day and night. He was the only person her heart called out for, and the only one her mind itself, created a  place for. The fact that he had never looked at her with anything other than kindness, with a mix of blankness and nothing else hurts her heart a bit. But, she never ceased from hoping, and praying that someday he would.

She kept telling herself that the day was going to come, and that he just was too blind to see what was in front of him. Or maybe he had no idea about it. She made herself believe countless of irrelevant excuses because it was her only way of keeping the flicker of hope alight.

He was the only person that had made her feel, and she always wanted to feel, it was incredible and terrifying at the same time. She had told her best friend about him, and still did whenever they talked. Until her best friend Barira got fed up with her friend's hopeless situation, she came out and blatantly told her to let him go. She told her to just let other men into her life, and let go of the silly crush she had on Zaid.

"He is not your type. And besides, he doesn't even know your feelings exist. You need to just steer clear of him, don't talk to him and just let him be. I think you are just thinking too much into things, and you just love the idea of being in love with him. See girl, I love you and all that jazz. But you're just being silly!" Barira declared with an annoyed huff.

Salwa got really furious and lashed out at her friend for throwing in her face such statement. How dare she! Was what she thought at first, her anger trying to get best of her while her hand shook in fury.

The idea of being in love? Thats the most stupid point someone had ever tried making in her presence. But Barira eas inexperienced, so its not her fault. Despite that, she still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that Barira called what she felt for Zaid 'silly' because if she had felt an ounce of what she was feeling right then, she wouldn't have dared open her mouth to blab such nonsense.

She stopped speaking to Barira, ignored her calls and deleted the texts she had kept sending. She felt so dumb for confiding in someone so inexperienced like her best friend. Barira had no right to talk to her the way she did, and she wasn't willing to let it slide just like that. She knew she was going to get over it eventually, but that time was not soon.

**

"So doctor, you said you wanted to see me?" Zaid asked, getting seated on the chair opposite Dr. Muhammad who's expression was anything but pleasant, which made Zaid's heart jumped closer to his throat in dread.

"Yes, I just want you to know that whatever happens, today, tomorrow or right now is already written down in the book of Qadr. And when Allah wills something, no one, not you or me, or anyone else has the power to change it." Dr started addressing him in a consoling tone, his eyes softer than usual.

"J..j.just get to the point Doc," He urged eagerly, wanting to get over and done with whatever the doctor was going to inform him. And whatever it was, he had already surrendered to the fact that it was not something good, so he prepared and embraced himself for the worst with the little time he had.

"I just want you to know that life and death are both in Allah's hand, you may even leave before h...." The doctor started again, a terrible attempt to not shoot the words right at Zaid because he knew just how much Zaid loved his mother.

The room was cold with the air conditioner on, but the doctor had to rub off the droplets of sweats that kept trickling down is forehead occasionally. The temperature of the room seem to have dropped, the tension between doctor's hesitation and Zaid's eagerness was so thick.

"We have the results of the test we've run on your mother, and you have to know that we had no idea it was something this bad." The doctor started rambling again but Zaid cut him midway.

"Just cut to the chase for God's sake!" He yelled in the doctor's face, his hands fisted and face fuming.

"Okay calm down Zaid, just calm down okay? You see, your mother is sick, extremely sick. The diagnosis came out worse than we have thought. We did not want to tell you before confirming it, because that would be entirely against our principles. Zaid, I'm sorry, but your mother has a very chronic case of pneumonia. Her lungs are filled with fluid that needs to be drained, and soon, because it's blocking her windpipe and decreasing her heart beat. We need to perform an emergency surgery on her. " The doctor declared, staring at Zaid who hadn't moved since he started talking.

Zaid's heart broke at that, the thought of his mother suffering from such ailment. His mother was the last thing something like that should be happening to because she was the most God fearing, remarkable woman that did not deserve what was happening to her. How could fate be so cruel.

Her smile came to his mind, her gentle motherly smile that could warm anyone's heart. Her carefree attitude to everything life threw at her, how she faced trauma with much bravery. He just couldn't believe she was that sick.

And to even think that he didn't notice that she was in pain alone, without no one to help her through it and not even once had she opened her mouth about it. It dawned on him just how sick she looked the past week, even though he asked her but she told him nothing, that she was ok.

"Qadrullahi wa maa shaa'a fa'ala" Was the only dua he blurted out before he stood up calmly and walked back to his mind mother's room, where she laid asleep. He sat down next to her, his eyes glossy at the thought of how much pain she must be in. The tears he was desperately trying to hold in broke free, sliding down nonstop. He clutched at his mother's hand, begging her silently, praying to God, pleading with his eyes close for her to be okay.