The Outcome Of Our Summer Love (Louis Tomlinson Fan Fic)

12: I Don't Love Him

I'm not getting up. I refuse to get out of this bed. Today five years ago my brother Mike died. He and Louis were actually friends. Mike went to Doncaster for a school year as an exchange student. They talked all the time and I remember when Louis and I figured out what our first connection was.

"Hey." Louis calls out. I lift my head up. He was standing in the doorway with a big tray of food and Alex at his feet. "She wanted to bring you breakfast."

"It's a good thing I'm hungry then." I lean my back against the headboard.

"Yay!" Alex squeals. She runs over and pulls herself on the bed, sitting at my feet. She had her stuffed bunny and knit blanket. Louis puts the tray on the bed then sits beside me.

"How are you feeling?" Louis asks.

"Ok." I sigh. "I guess." I lay my head on his shoulder. "What about you?"

"I've tried to keep myself busy so I don't think about it too much." Louis answers. "But I'm alright...I guess." I giggle.

"Food now?" Alex whines.

"Alright." Louis hands her a bowl of cherios. It didn't have milk in it because she doesn't like it that way. He cut up a banana for her too. I on the other hand had toast, eggs, bacon, milk, and orange juice. Lou had made himself the same stuff.

"Thank you." I say.

"You're welcome." Louis replies. He bumps his glass of milk against mine lightly. I laugh.

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Melanie just took Alex to the park since she was bored. I'm sitting in the chair next to Tommy, praying he will wake up before I have to leave. Louis went to the store and to get stuff from his house. I miss talking to my baby boy everyday.

"You know, I find it strange that you'd rather sit here all depressed than go to the park with your daughter." A familiar voice says.

"Danielle?" I gape out, looking up at her.

"Hey." She smiles at me.

"Hi." I stand up. We hug. "I haven't seen you in forever."

"I know, I'm so sorry. Almost immediately after I became a dancer I lost my phone. I lost all the numbers I had and couldn't remember yours or Melanie's." Danielle explains as we sit down.

"When did you meet Louis again?" I ask.

"Oh, Liam introduced me a week or two after we started dating." Danielle responds.

"You're dating Liam?!" I exclaim.

"Yeah." Dani giggles. 

"These are the things I would know if I wrote my number on your forehead." I tell her. She laughs. "I'd like to go with Alex, honestly, but today is actually their day. It's every other Tuesday. Tommy's is every other Thursday. How are things with you and Liam anyway?"

"Ok." Danielle shrugs. "It's been on and off for a few months. I love him with everything I have but it's not a stable relationship."

"That sucks." I frown.

"What about you and Louis?" Danielle asks. 

"We're..." I trail off. "I don't know." I sigh, tears prickling at my eyes. "He told me he loved me a few nights ago." I run a hand through my hair. "But I'm not sure that I love him back anymore."

"You're not the same people you were at camp. Louis still obviously loves you. It's not hard to tell from the sparkle back in his eyes." Danielle shakes her head. 

"I'm trying to love him with everything I have...I just don't think I can do it." I take off my glasses. "I can't be in a relationship I don't love." Tears drop from my eyes. "I thought I was still in love with him, but now, now that we're back together, I realize that's not true. I'm always going to love him...but I don't love him anymore. I don't know what to do. Alex thinks we're happy again. Louis might be, I'm not though."

"No one's forcing you into anything, you have the right to break up with him if you want to." Danielle states the obvious. I had more than a right.

"I would if I could Dani. I can't hurt him like that." I say.

"Louis would be heartbroken, he deserves it for leaving you, but I don't think anyone could ever make his eyes sparkle like they do now." Danielle replies.

"I am his cure, and he is my disease. I'm saving him, but I'm killing me." I admit. 

"I'm sorry you're in this position Jules." Danielle hugs me. I hide my face in her shoulder as I cry.

It will never be the same.

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Danielle called and said u were sobbing ur heart out until u cried yourself 2 sleep. R u ok? Should Alex and I come back? -Melanie

I think for a moment before deciding to reply.

I'm fine.

Biggest lie. I was sat in my car, trying to work up the confidence to go into the cemetery. I hadn't visited Mike's tomb since the funeral years ago, but I was desperate. He would fix everyone's problems. Even though he wouldn't respond, I had to talk to someone.

I wipe my face clean of tears before unbuckling. I pull on my jacket and grab my bag. I shove my phone inside. I climb out of my car and walk through the gates. 

One of the reasons I never come is because it's depressing. Funerals, mourning people, flowers surrounding the tombs, and just everything. I take one glance at a tomb that said Taylor Grace Martin December 18th 2011-December 18th 2011 and tears pour down my face again. I keep my gaze on the grass just so I don't read any others. After that one day I memorized where Mike was put.

I missed him. He didn't deserve to die. I was in the bloody car with him! He lost control and hit a tree. I should have died, not him. I shouldn't even be alive. I barely lived but I'd rather be dead right now.

I bring my head up. Flowers were already around it, telling me my family probably visited. But sitting on the ground with his head against the stone, was "Louis?"

Sorry it's so late! I actually have testing today but I had to finish this chapter. Updates will be on Saturdays now just because I won't have as much time this summer or next school year. I'm going to try my absolute hardest to update regularly but...yeah.

I got 'I am his cure, and he is my disease. I'm saving him, but I'm killing me.' from searching Indiana Evans and Harry Styles After and I find that quote really nice. I don't know if it's actually from After yet because I haven't gotten that far (i know, crazy i'm only reading it now) but I thought I would tell you that it is not mine. And technically it is 'I was your cure, and you are my disease. I was saving you, but I was killing me' but it's not past tense in this case.

Anyway, another useless author's note on my part. I will talk to you the next time I update. Have a good day! Or night! Or whatever time it is for you!

-OneDirectionluv3845 XOXO