Markiplier & Jacksepticeye Ego One Shot Stories

Speed Dating

You enter the rather barren room, and take your seat. 'Ego Speed Dating', the sign had said. 'Find your valentine', had been the tagline. Part of you considered it was a bad idea, and yet, here you were, ready to face the Ipliers. As you would almost expect, the first one to walk in the room was a well groomed man in a suit. He looked exactly like Mark, only you knew Mark wasn't a part of the program, he already had a valentine. The man offered you a smile, as he sat down across from the table and held out a rose.

Gently, you grasped the flower and a sharp pain shot up your hand. Dropping it to the table with a gasp, you stare at the blood dripping from your finger. Thorns. Sticking your finger in your mouth, you glance up, finding that Darkiplier's shell is cracking. That familiar red and blue encompasses him, his skin appearing a grey hue now. "Every rose has its thorns." He cautions, with a devious grin that unsettles you. "You are already familiar with who I am, and what I offer. Choices." Darkiplier cracks his neck and folds his hands on the table. "Go on, let me in."

"N-next..." You utter, though you're not entirely sure who you're talking to.

Darkiplier leans back, his face softening, and he tilts his head slightly. "So quickly? You will not even consider me?"

Feeling your heart jump, you almost fall for it. You know better though, you were prepared for this. "I'm sorry Darkiplier." You hear yourself say. "I just can't."

The red and blue flash around him, as he stands. "You cannot stand by him forever." The man growls. "You will see him for who he really is eventually." Then Darkiplier turns, and leaves the room, though you feel like it might not be the last time you see him.

Taking a deep breath, you attempt to calm yourself. Unfortunately, you don't have long before another Mark look alike makes their way in. The blue shirt, branded with the familiar G gives away this clone before he even speaks. "Hey Googleplier." You find yourself offering with an attempt at a smile. An android wasn't exactly what you were hoping for this valentine's day.

"Hello." He greets, hovering awkwardly behind the chair.

"Are you... going to sit down?" You ask him, and cringe as he snaps the back off the chair, smirking. "Never mind. It was just a question you know, not a command. You didn't need to-"

"What can I assist you with?" Google asks, eyes narrowed.

"Next!" You call, leaning over in your chair.

Google grumbles, and turns, leaving the room. It seems to you that he had been sent in against his will, making you wonder who was behind this whole thing. You don't get very long to contemplate this though, as the door opens again. A discount cowboy steps through the door, adjusting his cowboy hat as he bows his head. "Howdy!" He grins, and walks over, examining the chair before he straddles what's left of it. "Ed Edgar here. Now I know you're here to look for some sort of a date, but ya know what? You don't need a man! No! I said it. You know what ya need?"

"A baby?" You guess with a sigh, really starting to regret your decision to try this.

"A baby! See? I knew that's what you wanted!" Ed leaned back, pulling a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and laid out the brochure on the table. "What kind were you thinking? Ohhh... I know your type! A cyborg baby, am I right?" He chuckled, pointing to a picture.

You glance at the brochure and shake your head. "Next!" You call out.

"You didn't place your order yet." Ed points down at his brochure. "Look, if money's the issue, I still have Ed Jr. for 90% off! That's a deal right there!"

"No, thank you. Next!" You call again.

Grunting and shaking his head, Ed collects his brochure and gets up, leaving the room. Suddenly the thought crosses your mind that you might still be able to escape, but as you get up to leave, the door opens yet again. Slowly you sink back down into your chair.