Markiplier & Jacksepticeye Ego One Shot Stories

Commercial Audition

"Hello, I'm Eric Derekson here for... uh... uhm... uh..." Eric nervously wrung his hands over his handkerchief as he looked off screen to the two men watching him intently. "Uh... uh... Baby-"

"Ed Edgar Adoptalot's Baby Bulk Buy... come on now, it's not that hard." Ed Edgar grunted, glancing to the man beside him.

Forcing a smile, Derek turned to Ed. "He has a certain charm to him though, doesn't he?"

"Ed... Ed Edgar... uh... Baby..." Eric shook his head, whimpering. "Uh! Oh! Bulk Babies!"

Ed shrugged his shoulders. "Well I suppose you could call it that. Have you considered that you're a bit biased in the matter?"

Derek groaned, puffing his chest up as he placed his hands on his hips. "Not at all... but he won't get a commercial on his own. I have to try to sell him, don't I?'

Ed chuckled, crossing his arms. "Well, when you put it that way..."

"Uhm... hey!" Eric hesitantly pointed to the camera, constantly glancing towards the men off screen. "You out there... uh... you... you want babies, right? Don't you?" He let his arm drop, contorting his face. "I wanted to have kids someday... uh..." Eric hunched down, grunting, before he stood up again. "Everyone wants to be a parent!"

"This isn't working, is it?" Derek sighed.

"Well of course it ain't. Look at that boy." Ed muttered. "I sell infants that can put a sentence together better. How's he gonna sell any babies when he can't even put a few words together?"

"Uhm... here at the... Ed... Ed... Baby... uh... well the babies come in a lot of flavours!" Ed looked around nervously.

"Whoa!" Ed called out. "Hey, whoa there... don't say that." He glanced at Derek, shaking his head. "What'd ya teach the boy?"

Derek shook his head. "I had fourteen sons who turned out right... I slacked on a couple, and this is the one I get stuck with."

"Dad?" Eric whined. "I... I'm trying dad. I went to school... went to school and I'm trying. You... you still got me dad!" He smiled nervously.

Derek rolled his eyes. "Well if he's not getting a commercial, we may as well not waste the trip. What do you think I could sell him for?"

Eric's eyes widened as he clutched his handkerchief. "Dad? Dad... uh... you wouldn't really... you're not gonna sell me, right Dad?"

Ed shook his head, frowning. "Sorry Derek, they just don't sell at this age. People want babies! Good babies. Ones they can train and mold into what they want. Believe me. I've been tryna sell off Ed Junior for... I dunno how long. Ain't nobody buying."

"Dad? Dad... Dad? You're joking... right... right Dad?" Eric whined, sniffling. "Cause you're all I have left Dad." His eyes watered, as he dabbed his face with his handkerchief, before squeezing it tightly in his hands.

Groaning, Derek sighed. "There he goes with the water works again. Are you absolutely sure we couldn't make some deal? I'd let him go for cheap."

Ed shrugged. "I've tried selling Ed Junior off for next to nothing. People just aren't interested. I'm real sorry, Derek."

"I can't blame you. You're a good businessman. If only Eric had your head on his shoulders." Derek grunted.

"Oh... Eric... you can do this." Eric whimpered. "I'm Erick Derekson here with... baby... baby bulk..."

"Just... stop." Ed shook his head. "You're just embarrassing yourself boy." Eric whined, crouching down as he grabbed his head in his hands. "He do that a lot?" Ed glanced at Derek, who slowly nodded. "Maybe you could go and leave 'em on some church steps or something..."

"Ha." Derek smiled. "That's a thought. Well, while I'm here, have you ever thought of selling any babies off for charity? Might give you some good publicity."

Ed Edgar slowly nodded. "We could use some of that. For some reason... some people have a problem with the sale of babies? Like that's not the most wholesome family business, right there!"

"I'll give you a call then and finalize the deal. It'll be good working with you Ed." Derek grinned. "Oh, and if you do get word of anyone looking for a child like Eric..."

Ed chuckled. "I'll give ya a call!"

"Much obliged." Derek nodded. "Alright Eric, get in the car. We're going home."

"You didn't sell me?" Eric smiled. "Aw, thanks Dad! I'll... I'll do better!"

"Yeah, yeah. Get in the car." Derek muttered, heading out to the vehicle with Eric. Ed sniffed his fingers, shaking his head as he turned off the camera, and lights before heading back to his office. Derek was silent on the drive home, as Eric cried to himself. Tomorrow would be another day.