liabilities

no good

I didn't realize it before but I think one of the main reasons that I'm friends with Jem was because we both had parent troubles.

my mother's aim is perfection.

she pushes till I'm numb all the way inside.

I'm supposed to make up for all her failures.

do better than she did.

but I'm not my parents.

I can't.

I can't seem to lose weight or learn calculus in two weeks.

I can't write a mind blowing essay, or be a picture of perfection.

but I'm the only one who seems to see this.

they call it tough love, but being rough all the time hurts.

it's a constant nail in one part of your heart, and someday the nail will be gone, but the hole will still be there.

I suppose an unspoken part of our friendship was the law that talking shit about our parents and all the crappy things our parents do to us as a way of coping.

now that I think about it, Jem never understood me.

verbal abuse and physical abuse are two different things.

perhaps he did, but now that I think about it, it was always about him, making him feel better, soothing his anger.

me, I just let it simmer, always there but never exploding.

now that he's found someone else who understands him better, who makes him feel better than I do, maybe I'm not a necessity anymore.

when someone isn't useful anymore, they aren't wanted.

once that's gone, well,

that's the end for you, roz.