liabilities

bridges pt. 1

jeremy grabs my wrist and pulls me out the door as soon as i reach school.

my wrist is frail in his palm, his hand is huge compared to my thin wrist.

i won't lie, i'm afraid of him.

i cower away from him, but his grip is too tight, and he continues to drag me.

for a moment, i ponder the fact that he's probably going to beat me up, to whisper cruel things in my ear. adira's probably waiting outside.

why? i whisper, but he doesn't respond.

jeremy, you're hurting me, i say again with the little self resolve i have. he loosens his grip but doesn't let go.

i retreat into my mind, the pain is softer in there.

but when we reach the edge of school, adira's not there. i'm confused, but he just tucks me into his car.

i'm afraid again, would jeremy try and rape me like the others? the only problem is, i don't think i could fend him off. i'm too broken now, my shards lie everywhere.

i don't trust him anymore.

he doesn't do any of that, he just starts the car and pulls out of the car park.

jeremy, i can't skip school. my voice is soft, i don't speak above a whisper anymore. no one wants to hear me.

he winces, don't call me that.

my face falls, he doesn't even want me to use his name anymore.

why don't you call me jem anymore? he asks, looking in my direction.

i don't meet his gaze, i don't want to see his face, it's too painful, we're not friends, faintly.

his jaw tightens, and he looks at me again, before pushing my sleeve up. his eyes widen with disbelief.

i yank my sleeve back down, don't look at me, i want to yell, i'm disgusting.

but it's too late, he's seen my scars.

roz what the fuck, he yells, his movements are erratic.

i want to yell back at him, that this pain is my new best friend, that this is what helps me cope now, this is what he's done to me and he has no right to be mad, but i'm tired. i don't want to fight anymore.