liabilities

bridges pt. 2

he pulls into a diner, and drags me out of the car. the smell of food repulses me now. i can smell the hundreds of calories from here.

we sit down in a booth, and vaguely i remember that this used to be our booth.

that was a lifetime ago, the memories are murky now, tarnished with age and abuse.

eat. he orders. it's a simple three letter word but i can't. he doesn't understand. i don't want to.

i shake my head, and his expression is pained.

please, he begs, you're fading away.

why do you care? i ask quietly. you hate me.

he doesn't meet my eyes, he doesn't want to see the wreck i've become.

he orders hash browns. they used to be my favorite. i don't understand how i used to like that thousand calories shit.

we can sit here all day, he says, but please you have to eat.

every minute that ticks by hurts me more. it almost feels like old times except how he bullies me and i'm a fragile weak piece of shit.

i want to get away.

i eat the first bite, and then the next, i can feel myself getting sick.

i'm halfway through when i rush to the bathroom.

i can't take this.

i can see him following me, but it's too late. i throw it all up.

he's behind me, i can see him in the mirror. his face is a mixture of grief and black sorrow.

i sob as i throw up everything i've eaten. i can't keep food down anymore.

i cry for everything i've lost, how i can't even look jeremy in the eyes anymore.

the pain is too damn much.

he puts his hand on my back, but that only makes me cry harder.

he was never supposed to see me like this.