Did You Miss Me?

Not Giving a F*** 101

•.Riley's P.O.V.•

I haven't talked much. I think thats why my mind has wondered to so many thoughts.

Why does Cassy have this affect on me, I've been called every name in the book, I've been pushed down, and I've been kicked while I was still on the ground?

Why did the entire basketball team get sick that day, and Cassy sat and laughed?

Why don't I just die already? Nobody needs me here.

I gave into my depression.. After being clean for two weeks, I finally cut. It was bad. It looks like fish gills in my arms. Really deep fish gills.

I was sitting on my newly made bed staring at the walls and wondering how I let it get this far. I began to stare at my cuts. Some white and faded, some scabbed over and fresh. Each one reminded me of a different time.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Riley, can I come in?" Nate said.

"Hold on." I said. I walked into the bathroom and wiped off my face, because my mascara made me look like a raccoon after I cried.

My hair was tangled, but I didn't care. I'll just brush it later.

After cleaning my face and taking in my appearance, I walked over to my door and opened it for Nate.

Well, I unlocked it, cracked it, then walked back to my bed.

Nate sat on the edge of my bed and looked at me.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I lied, avoiding eye contact with him.

"I know your lying." He stated.

"Im not." I said.

"Then why were you crying?" He asked.

Creep. How did he know I was crying.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"Because your eyes are red and puffy." He stated matter-of-factly while coming closer to me.

He lifted me from my crossed legged position and sat me on his lap.

"Now tell me whats wrong.."

"Okay.. How would you feel if you felt worthless. I've been bullied all my high school career. I've been not only emotionally but physically hurt by people. Whenever Im happy someone always tears me down. If its either bringing up something from my past, or if its pushing me to the ground and kicking me. I've tried ignoring them. That didn't work. I've tried committing suicide. That didn't work. I'm also pretty sure that the girl that has been bullying me all my life poisoned me with something to make me sick."

He kept listening, so I continued.

"I mean what did I do? Did I say something, did I do something? I don't get it. I try being happy, it just doesn't work. And I hate being sad like this because I end up making someone upset, or breaking promises. I'm just- I don't know." I finished.

"Well, the only way for your situation to get any better.. Is if you stand up for yourself. You've got to show them how great you are. You've got to look them in the face and tell them to suck your dick. Hell you might even have to slap them across the face a few times. But thats okay! Make them pay for it." He said.

"I know you cut yourself because of this.." He added.

I nodded, and put my head down in shame.

"Wear them." He said.

"What?" I said with confusion written over my face.

"Wear your scars. Embrace them. And also wear them as a sign. A sign that says 'You did this to me.' Wear them with your head held high, because they don't affect you anymore." He said.