Replace Your Heart // Michael Clifford fanfic

Day Nineteen.

"Hey," I smiled and snuggled Alyssa into me. It was raining out and we were sitting all cuddled up in her room. She had just got her periods in the morning and I went to get her paani puri and bhel (Indian chaat). She was yelling at how much she craves for Indian chaat when she's on her periods. Girl stuff. It was 9PM, she should have dinner but she chose chaat, so whatever.

"You got paani puri and bhel?" she asked cuddling into me.

"Yup. Your mom will get it for you in awhile,"

"Thank you. How did you even give the order?" she giggled.

"I memorized it," I mumbled. 

"You're so cute,"

"Nope,"

"Yeah,"

"You were gonna tell me something about someone..." I started.

"What?" she looked up at me.

"In college... you told me about someone... I don't know, forget it,"

"Oh. Right. Saarth," she exhaled.

"What?"

"Another guy story..." she laughed under her breath.

"You are really popular with them, yeah?" I joked, showing a slight bit of jealousy.

"Except this one was just one sided," she rolled her eyes.

"Then why didn't you give up on him?"

"Why won't you give up on me?" she challenged.

"Well. when you truly love someone,

you do not give up. You do not give up on your best friend, your family,  your loved one. You just don’t," I replied, irritated.

"Exactly," she smiled.

"But this is not one sided," I said.

"Not at all," she assured me.

"Please don't compare me with those guys who weren't good to you,"

"I'm on my period and you're acting pissy," she laughed.

"Whatever. Tell me about him, now?"

"Um, you have to promise me that you won't freak out and even if you do, just keep it to your. Okay?"

I chuckled and nodded.

"Okay. So I had this huge crush on him and I was like in love with him, I swear! But its the usual. He liked me as a friend, I'll like to think that. Anyway. So. Yeah. I liked him and I was crazy about him and he gave me attention. The thing I want the most. He listened to me. He spoke to me. He was nice to me. But it wasn't like a boyfriend and I knew that. I did not have false perception how he may like me in that way. I was okay with him only thinking of me as a friend. But I kind of started depending on him. For making me feel good, for making me feel heard. And I did not realize how much I wanted him till he put me down. He wasn't a bad boy.... but he was carefree. He was a challenge. He was nice but he didn't care at all. About nobody. And I never understood it till he put me down. Like, I knew he was trouble but I never thought it would be that bad. And again, maybe I am exaggerating. Because -"

"You're not. Go on," I say.

"One night I was really sad, its really stupid now that I think of it. But I wanted to die. And like I said, he was one of the people I relied on. So I texted him and all he ever told me was "I don't like to talk to people who are suicidal. So don't ever talk to me again." Now, I get it. He doesn't like a nagging, depressed company. To be honest, I like to be surrounded with people full of lives now too. But I would never react like that, at least. It really hurt me. I had 3 sleeping pills in my system and he sent me a text like that," her voice cracked.