BMC & DEH One-shots

Sorry... Dear Evan Hansen [Tree Bros]

A/N: angst I guess...

"Am I not laughing hard enough for you?!"

"You're the freak here!"

"FUCK YOU!"

Well... Connor was having a bad day to say the least. So far he's managed get himself high, yelled at his parents and pushed over his long time crush.

The loner now sat in Science class, tapping his pen to a slow beat.

I'm sorry, so sorry,

That I was such a fool

I didn't know

Love could be so cruel...

Tears were threatening to pour now as the need for a chance, just one was all he wanted, to make things better, to make things right, became overwhelming.

He had stopped listening to the teachers words now, letting his thoughts torment his feelings. Gay ass. They screeched. All he wanted now was to go home and get ridiculously high...maybe drink a little. Let the sky be the last thing he saw for forever.

Connor lowered his head to the bench. Another wrong thing and he'd be the one pushing himself over the edge, not old age or a cripple. He'd do it himself.

Like the monster he was, his clothes were black and lifeless. Just a hooded jacket, ripped jeans and converse.

If he had just... controlled himself maybe Evan wouldn't've been hurt. Maybe he would've explained that he cried himself to sleep at night, that he smoked weed to calm the constant anxiety, driving him crazy day by day. Maybe Evan would tell him that he would be ok, that he should try to stop and take deep breath and that everything will be alright.

It was too late for that now... a broken arm, a bruised rib...

I'm sorry, so sorry

Please accept my apology

But love is blind

And I was blind to see

Connor loved Evan, right? Was that the feeling. The butterflies that flitted their way around at blushes or giggles Evan let into the world.

"Mr Murphy," The teacher, Mr Dean said, snapping Connor out of his thoughts. "You're partners with Mr Hansen." A slightly sadistic smile was on his face.

********

Dear Connor Murphy,

Today you find yourself writing one of those petty letters Evan writes to himself. It was not a good day and it won't be tomorrow or for the rest of the year and here's why;

You're a screw up, and that's ok, but there's no fixing what you did and what you feel. You won't ever forgive yourself if you keep going on alone.

Sure you have Zoe but... Has she really helped you?

Sincerely, Me.