Homecoming (Lesbian)

CHAPTER 22

Hey guys! I know I haven't really updated in the past few weeks but I've been incredibly busy. Sorry about that. I will make it a point to update every week from now on. Hope you like it!

I felt a weight pressing down on my chest the whole time. I tried to think of how the conversation could go, how I could say something that would make things better; easier. But nothing I could say would do that. What's done is done, and I can't change it.

I was distant, trying my best to focus on what Faye was telling me but I couldn't. Regardless of how much I tried to push those thoughts out of my head I couldn't, they sank inside me and I wasn't strong enough to make them go away. Maybe that was the problem, I was trying too hard to be strong, to be what people thought I should be. Someone moving on with her life, looking forward hoping for life to get better. But going to see Mindy Quilter can only remind me how horrible things can get. It's been years, and I knew it shouldn't affect me anymore, but hell it does.

Or maybe it should have this effect on me, and I'm the one making things worse by trying to act like losing my friend, watching him die in front of me years ago should be gone and buried. I apologize if I don't make much sense and I seem to be speaking gibberish. I know it can be confusing for you. But what I need you to understand is the tornado of emotions and thoughts that went through my mind as we kept getting closer and closer to Chicago. I had three whole days to think of what to say and I came out empty handed.

Faye tried to be supportive, ask me if she could help me with whatever it was that was bothering me. But I didn't share it with her. I shared nothing with her. I don't really know why. Maybe I was trying my hardest to look strong, not just in front of her, but in front of my family. Trying not to let them see the scars in my skin, the wounds deep in my heart that I never thought would actually heal. That façade was about to die.

Our trip was quiet, we didn't really talk too much since, like I said, I spent most of my time thinking about Mindy. Faye was getting frustrated with my silence, but she remained patient hoping, eventually, I would break. And I did.

We arrived at Chicago at midday on Wednesday. We checked into a motel and went out to grab a bite. I asked for a meatloaf, Faye asked for the salmon. We ate quietly, parsimoniously, as if we were strangers.

"This is good," Faye finally said, trying to start a conversation.

"Yeah, it is," I gave her a weak smile.

"Can you finally tell me what the hell we're doing in Chicago?"

"I need to see someone."

"Who?"

"I... it's a long story. I made a promise."

Faye took a sip of her drink, than softly asked, "Is it because of what I said?"

"Yeah... no. I'm not sure. But you were right."

"I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I mean, I did, just... not because... I mean..."

I looked up at her and watching her face, trying and failing to find the right words, it just did the trick. It made me laugh like I hadn't in days. I cracked up so loudly people turned around.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just... we're messed up, aren't we?"

Faye sighed, smiled and replied, "Yeah. We are."

After lunch, we went into a shop to buy one single thing. Faye didn't make any questions. I think she just realized I would tell her, once I could stop trying so hard to be strong. I put what I bought inside a gift bag and headed out.