Broken Trust

Chapter thirty- six

Chapter 36:

Jessica's pov:

It's 4:00 right now and I have exactly an hour to get ready. Gemma helped me pick out a causally nice outfit and she is now loosly curling my hair while I do a natural make up look. We finish around 4:30 and I go into the kitchen to have a little snack, but I grab 2 kit kats instead. I walk up the stairs and think about all the places Harry could be taking me.

I walk into my room and slip my keds on. I walk over to the mirror and examine my outfit. I'm wearing high waisted shorts with a cute crop top tank top and keds. My bangs are bobby pinned into a bump and my make up is done with a natural look. I put my pink lipgloss. My alarm clock goes off at 4:45, warning me that I need to be ready. I grab a long sleeve cardigan and my phone and walk down the stairs. I sit in the kitchen and wait, then the bell rings.

"Harry? Why the hell didn't you just come in?" Gemma says as she opens the door.

"Well Gemma, I wanted it to look like an actual date, but thank for ruining it," Harry says, walking in. His eyes immediately find mine and he smiles, holding out his hand for me to grab. 

"You look beautiful as always," he says. 

I smile and look at his outfit. He's wearing a plain white t-shirt with black skinny jeans and white high tops. Well, the high tops are different..

"Are those new shoes?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'm trying them out," he says. We walk out the door and I stop in my tracks at the door of the car.

"Harry,"

"Yes Jessica?"

"I want to drive."

"No."

"I want to-"

"No."

"I'm fucking driving. Give me the damn keys," I demand. He picks me up and opens the door, throwing me into the passenger seat. He starts the car and I look out the window.

"Awe come on, don't be mad at me. You don't even know where we're going," he says.

"Shut up Harry," I say, sticking my tongue out at him. He laughs a little and quickly takes my picture.

"What the fuck Harry!" I yell.

"I'm posting this on twitter and instagram," he says.

"NO!" I plead.

"The public.." he says quietly. I nod my head and we just there in silence.

"Come on, we have a date to get to," I say eagerly. He smiles and pushes on the gas, leaving the driveway and heading down the highway.

Harry's pov:

I'm actually really excited for this date. I bought all the tickets already and I bought enough for us each to ride every ride 5 times! I don't really like roller coasters, but Jessica loves them and I want her to love this date.

We pull in and Jessica starts bouncing in her seat, a smile covering her face. She turns to me with tears in her eyes and the biggest smile ever.

"Harry! Oh my goodness we came here for our first play date when we were little!" she exclaims. My face lights up as the memory starts flooding in. My thoughts disappear when Jessica opens the door and runs toward the enterance.

"Jessica! Wait!" I yell, running up to her. She turns around and grabs my hand pulling me to the rides.

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We get in the car and my hand finds her leg, gently resting my hand comfortably on her thigh. She jerks a little but then relaxes. We pull into the park and her face ligths up once more. I get the basket and blanket and we walk to an empty spot by the river bank with a perfect view. I lay the blanket down and we eat silently. 

We finish eating and lay down on the blanket. As I go to grab her hand, I see all her scars all over her arm and wrist.

"Jessica?" I ask. Curiousity of how cutting feels overloads my mind and I must know.

"Yes Harry?"

"I'm not trying to bring back old memories or make you upset, but what is it like to cut?" I ask.

She's silent for a while before sitting up and crossing her legs infront of me. I do the same and grab her hands.

"It's like, going to the beach and walking into the water blindfolded. You just keep walking, you don't know where you're going. You just know you're going deeper. That's what the build up to cutting feels like. You don' know where you're going. Depression has blinded you. All you know is you're going deeper," she says. She takes a deep breath and I look in her eyes, tears threatening to fall from them.

"Now just keep going until you drown. You want air, you want relief, you don't want to be drowning anymore. Now imagine the relief when someone pulls you out of the water. That's what cutting is. Relief. Relief from all the pain you've been drowning in. Relief from feeling like you're fat. Relief from the bullies at school. Relief from not feeling good enough. Relief from all your imperfections and insecurties. You might find cutting disgusting and you might never understand it, but when you're drowning, you need saving; you need relief," she takes a breath before continuing, "So what is cutting like? It's relief."

She lays back down without another word and watches the sun go down. I keep her hand in mine and lay down as well. Wondering how anyone so beautiful and perfectly minded as she, could feel so alone to go out of her way to hurt herself...

Jessica's pov:

I don't know what to do. I just explain cutting the best I can, and I don't even want to move right now. I feel like I can just slip back into cutting at any moment. I feel insecure because he asked that question. I feel like no one will ever love me because of what I do to myself.

The sun drops and it's such a beautiful sight. All of the negative thoughts drop from my mind with the sun. Harry stands up and helps me up as well.

"Jessica, before we leave, I want to ask you a question," harry says nervously.

"Okay, ask," I say, stepping closer to him.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" he asks, and my mind goes blank. 

A relationship.

"Yes, I would love to be your girlfriend," I say, a smile stretching across my face. He hugs me, picking me up and spinning me in a circle beforre letting me own and kissing me softly and gently on the lips.

"A delicate kiss for a delicate girl," he says. I just smile and pick up the basket as he grabs the blanket and we head to the car, hand in hand.

A/N

lol sorry if it sucked. Once again, I'm trying to rush through this and fit 5 weeks worth of chapters into 2 weeks. lol k bye. oh and please let people know about my fanfic if you like it. k byee.