Broken Trust

Chapter two

Chapter 2:

Jessica’s pov: (still)

I quickly finished my drink and threw the cup away, walking outside. The fall night air hit me as dry tears became cold on my cheeks.

After walking down the street awhile, I came to an abandoned house. I figured it was nice enough to sleep in. Suddenly a tear fell from my eye, slowly. I have no one, everyone left me. My dad left, my mom was never really in the picture, but now she’s definitely gone. Even HE left me. With the thought of that, I cried myself to sleep on the cold floor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve been staying in this abandoned place for about a week now. Trying to save up enough money for a hotel room has caused me to not get any food or water every so often. I run back over to purse, carefully counting my money to make sure I had counted correctly.

*yup* I thought. *I counted correctly*

The hotel room is $30.00 and I only have $17.34, which definitely isn’t enough. I broke down in sobs, just like I do every day. But this is much worse than usual. This time, I’m not crying because I have nowhere to live. This time, I’m crying because,

I don’t WANT to live.

*just do it Jessica. No one will notice one little cut. You could even do more than one if you wanted to.* I slowly made my way to my bag. So many memories came through my head. As I put the razor to my wrist, but only one memory stayed in my mind. The reason I came to my razor in the very beginning.

HIM.

HE is all I can think about as I press the blades into my wrists, causing blood to spill out of every cut. HE stayed in my mind as I cleaned up my bloody mess with one of my shirts. He broke his promise. Not just one, but two.

*it was your fault in the first place* My subconscious reminds me.

“I was 11 years old!” I yell to myself.

 *some 11 year old you were*

I quickly pushed my conversation with myself to the side. I looked down at my wrist, only to fall asleep shortly after.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up the next morning yearning for a shower. It’s been 3 days since I went to the Welcoming Service Home to take one and I just can stand the oil in my hair and the nasty feeling on my body.

I grab some clothes and walk down the street to the service home like I did 3 days ago. I jump out of the shower 5 minutes later due to the burning of the soap going into my wrists. I grab the towel off the railing outside of the showers and dry off. 

I was a bit uneasy about staying in that abandoned home, but it’s not like I have anywhere else to go. I WOULD stay here at the Welcoming Service Home, but it’s basically a nursing home, so I just don’t bother.

I look in the mirror. Pure disgust washed over me as I looked at my reflection. I’m too fat. I’m too ugly. I hate the way my fat sticks out on my waist. I hate that I don’t have a thigh gap. I hate that my face isn’t perfectly clear. I hate that my hair is naturally ugly. I hate that the cuts on my body bring back memories.

I pull black skinny jeans over my legs and a blue t-shirt over my bust. I slip my feet into blue high tops and brush out my brown wavy hair.  My choppy bangs don’t like to agree, as usual, so I bobby pin them over my forehead to the side. I never noticed how short I was until just now looking at all my flaws in this mirror. I’m about 5’2. The thought of my height never really bothered me until now. And my skin color; it isn’t pale, but it’s certainly not a glowing tan. Just a fading tan I guess.

My eyes, the nasty brown inside of the white disgusts me. They do turn colors though, which I guess is a nice trait. They turn a bright shade of red when I’m mad. And when I’m upset, they’re a very dark brown, you barely see my pupils. I rim my eyes with black eye liner, causing them to pop. I put on foundation and blush, along with mascara and lip gloss.

Feeling satisfied with myself, I walk back to my temporary home, noticing its 11:23am. I don’t have money for lunch, so I decide to take a walk around town to distract me from my hunger.

A/N

Idk. This chapter was emotional for me I guess. 

Please no hate. Thank you love!