The Return of Delilah

Chapter 42

I'm sorry for everything, oh everything I've done

From the second that I was born it seems I had a loaded gun

& then I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I love

-Shots by Imagine Dragons

LIAM

When she walked into the house I saw her muster a smile for Adrian's sake. It didn't meet her usual bright eyes, and it was my fault. I knew that.

"I got Chinese," I stated.

I knew she'd likely say she wasn't hungry, but she needed to eat, especially now that she was pregnant. She thanked me and washed her hands before taking a seat. 

"How was your day, bud?" she asked Adrian who thankfully hadn't brought up the fact that his mother's eyes were puffy from crying.

"It was good, momma. I helped daddy at the shop and Uncle Chris took me to the park for a little."

"That's great, kiddo," she said, giving him a small smile.

"I think Uncle Chris is coming over tomorrow to play the PS4 with me. Can you tell Jo to come too?"

"I'll ask her." she replied. Neither of us were up for visitors, that wasn't Adrian's fault though. He shouldn't have to pay for the shitty situation I'd gotten us into. Hell, she shouldn't have to pay for it. 

And there she was, heartbroken because of me.

"Did you have a good day mom?"

My eyes went to her, waiting for an answer I already knew. She shook her head no.

"It's better now that I'm here with you though."

"What's wrong mom?"

"Mmm, don't you worry about that." she said ruffling his hair. Adrian wrinkled his nose.

Small conversation was made during dinner, and I was especially quiet. I knew a conversation awaited us, one I dreaded. I was too much of a coward to face it. The things I'd said and done, they were much too cruel and she didn't deserve it. Not after she'd tried everything to fix things between us. 

Somehow, though, mine was worse. She'd left, yes, but she never said hurtful shit like what I said. 

We were a fucking catastrophe. 

Delilah had taken a hundred steps towards progress, towards bettering herself and here I was, taking ten thousand huge steps back, hurting her in the process, causing her pain that she sure as hell didn't deserve. Hate for the circumstances, for the death of my father, for our tainted past was invading every part of me and it's hurting her.

It's not an excuse; there is no excuse for the shit I did, for the pain I caused her. But the problem was that I had no clue how to fix it. The hole I'd dug was so damn deep and I was bringing her down with me.

This wasn't healthy.

After watching a movie with Adrian, we went to bed. I showered, staying there longer than usual hoping that the water would clear my mind. Hoping to find something, any slightest idea as far as what to do or wisdom as for the words to say.

When I got out of the shower I could barely see her. She had a blanket wrapped around her body, as if trying to shield herself from any more pain. I gulped, feeling guilty at the sight of her so vulnerable.

I put on my boxers and laid down next to her, while she scoot over to the other edge of the bed, getting as far away as possible from me. 

And then I heard it.