Heaven Help Us / / [Frerard]

Nine: Lucifer Is Totally Gay If You Didnt Already Know That

Heaven Help Us // [Frerard]

Chapter Nine: Lucifer Is Totally Gay, If You Didn't Already Know

"Get the fuck up, Frank," Steph whispered far too loudly in my ear, the clear annoyance in her hushed tone a little intimidating, because there was no denying that she could beat me the fuck up if she wanted to. "I know it's early, but would you rather spend al day doing work?"

She acted as if actually showing up to school was one of the seven deadly sins or some shit but, I guess that in a way, it sure felt like it was with the shitty homophobic students leading you into temptation to punch them in the face.

"No," I groaned. "You didn't say anything about getting up at three in the fuck morning, though."

"Well maybe I just didn't want you complaining for the rest of the night, ey?"

I opened a single eye to see two black rimmed ones staring dangerously close to mine, because it seemed as if Stephanie Moore was completely unaware of the dictionary definition of 'personal space'.

"Jesus Christ, Steph," I yawned. "I think I just shit myself."

"Don't use the Lord's name in vain, Frankuel," She tutted.

"Frankuel-?"

"It isn't polite, and you should also be aware of the fact that I am not cleaning your shit up or taking the blame for that so, unless you wanna tell the teachers about your little accident, I suppose we will actually have to stay in here for a little while longer whilst you clean up your sheets.

"Okay, firstly," I sat up straight, deciding that I wasn't gonna get anymore sleep now that she's gotten all sassy, "Adding 'uel' on the end of names only works for Sam, I think, and the long version of Frank is actually Franklin so please never call me that again. Secondly, I honestly genuinely have no clue on how to wash sheets."

Actually, washing sheets was probably nothing short of common knowledge for a boy my age, but angsty punk rock midgets with scarily catholic mothers probably weren't all that common.

"I could give you some tips if you like - Periods are a bitch!"

"Well now that you've got that image in my mind, I think I better get up so we can head out."

"What about your-?"

"I didn't actually shit the bed, Steph."

***

It was surprisingly easy to escape the little religious hellhole we liked to call school, since they didn't really have that many teachers on night shift, because apparently God would guide us in the right direction and make sure that good little Catholic children like ourselves would be lead into a path of spiritual guidance and most certainly not skiving.

Bullshit they liked to preach to about, ladies and gentlemen.

Bottom line: Me and Steph were busy climbing over the school borderline wall and waving goodbye to a good education, because who even needed a good job and a future anyways when you could have booze, cigarettes and a nice detention with a hot priest?

Apparently not us. We were obviously just two little misguided homosexuals doomed to spend an eternity with Lucifer himself, which actually sounded good enough to me.

Lucifer was clearly painstakingly gay and I reckon that me and him could have a bit of fun, if you know what I'm saying.

"Did you know that Lucifer is totally gay?" I said, jumping down from the wall and through into freedom where Steph's silhouette already happily stood; it was still dark out here and the school's desolate surroundings meant that there was a lack of active civilisation to light the night sky.