The truth she held inside

15

     I don't know what it is but I just don't want to wake up this morning. I find so much comfort in my bed and I want to be comfortable all day. There is no chance my parents would let me stay home unless I was sick so I force myself to get up.

I can already tell that today is not my day. My body doesn't want to wake up, I'm aggravated and I don't know why. All I want is to grab a bag of peanut butter cups and watch Netflix all day. In a matter of thirty minutes, Roni and I are ready to go. Malia gives us a ride since she doesn't have to leave until later.

"I'm sorry." She grabs my arm.

"I know and it's okay. Let's go." I give her a big smile. I don't want to continue the conversation, at least not right now.

My first stop when I get to school is my locker. While I am opening my lock I realize the Remi is the cause for my unnecessary angry this morning. I still think about her comments at the mall and all I feel is anger towards her. Knowing that I was going to see her today in school just made things worse.

No one really knows how much her words affected me. Steven is the first guy I actually "talked" to. If things don't work out with him, who knows how long it'll be until I find someone one else. I don't believe I will be lonely forever but it hurts to believe that someone else will, especially someone who was supposed to be your best friend.

I feel a poke in my back and I turn to see Steven right next me.

"Friday is all that is on my mind."

"Me too." I smile, trying to hide the lie. Friday is kind of in the back of my mind right now.

"I have a few options for my tie, so I brought them so you could decide." He's really serious right now.

"Okay." I'm really at a lost for words, I just don't feel like talking right now.

He shuffles through his backpack, placing his phone in my locker for a second so he won't drop it. He pulls out two out of three ties and I like what I'm seeing so far. While he hunts for the tie I finish taking the books that I need for the first half of the day out of my locker.

Steven's phone light up and I can't help but glance at it. The name 'Remi' catches my eye so I decided to read the text.

"Can we talk?" the text from Remi reads.

I didn't even know they talked, why do they talk? 

I turn my head in the opposite direction of Steven and I see Remi at the end of the hall, looking at her phone. I want to walk out of the school and go home but that's definitely not an option.

He finally pulls out the last tie.

"The second one. I've got to go, bye." I hand him his phone, shut my locker and walk the opposite way of Remi.

I could tell he was confused. Saying I'm angry is an understatement. What is happening right now? I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she liked him, but him liking her? Am I going to be a loner at the dance? So many questions, no strength to answer them.

Steven caught on eventually and realized why I was upset, he wouldn't stop texting me all day. I couldn't wait for lunch so I could vent, I really need to vent.

"Everything sucks and I want to go home." I start off.

Everyone was pretty confused, I could tell by the looks on their faces.

"What happened?" Arthur breaks the silence.

"I was with Steven and I saw his phone, Remi texted him asking him to talk." I lay my head on my arms.

"What does she need to say to him?" Roni asks.

"Who knows." I mumble through my arms.

Both Remi and Steven are in my lunch but of course, neither of them are there. I feel sick, not a normal type of sick. It's more like an angry kind of sick, I don't know if I am jealous or just mad that he's talking to Remi.

Lucy is at her lunch table, alone. I can't figure out the expression on her face but I've never seen her look like that.

"Don't sweat it, Nyla. He's into you and he was pretty upset when I told him about what she said to you." Ava turns her body to me. "She's nothing, don't worry about her."

They buy me my favorite snacks to try and take my mind off of Steven, and it kind of work.

The school day takes forever to end. When the final bell does ring, I run to my locker, hoping I can get out of there as soon as possible.

Of course, Steven is standing there waiting for me. The look on his face makes me worry, I don't know what to expect.

"Hey." His voice is low. "Look, it kills me to say this, so I'll just say it as quick as possible. I'm not sure if I'll be able to go to the dance on Friday. Some things with Remi just came up and everything is so chaotic right now, I'm sorry."

His words left me not being able to comprehend anything.

"What does Remi have to do with it?" I can barley breathe.

"Well, Remi is my cousin, and there is this retreat that our church is going on. I wasn't planning on going but she was. I don't exactly know why yet but she can't go now and she asked me to take her place. If neither of us went, the whole trip will be canceled because they need a certain amount of people. Neither my cousin or I want to disappoint anyone, so I might go instead."

I am numb at this point. His cousin? Why has she never mentioned that when we were friends?

"You failed at not wanting to disappoint anyone." I try to walk away but he grabs me.

"I'm sorry. I have to do this for her, I owe her."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to! She's probably going to go to the dance, she's playing you. I'm not surprised, she wants to see me unhappy. Why can't you see that?"

"She's family and Remi isn't that bad. I can't turn my back on my family."

"Goodbye." I don't try to stop the tears from falling down my face. 

I just don't care anymore.