My thoughts

My thoughts on myself (Very serious update)

Fear is something that we run away from. Something that we don't want in our life. You could have the feeling of fear if you did something you aren't proud of or maybe said something. But for a while I thought I knew fear. I thought it would only get to you if you let it. I thought if I could just push it down and pretend like it's not there and hold it down where I couldn't see if it wouldn't get to me. I did this with a lot of my problems all my mistakes I would push down and not address it and let it stay down there and pretend it's not there. Whenever I talk to people I feel like they are uncomfortable and I feel like I'm losing them and the voices in my head are screaming make them laugh make them laugh. So I crack a joke or a few and they laugh. I've been doing this for as long as long as I can remember and I thought it was working. Just not addressing my problems and just joking around all the time. I thought if people are laughing it's ok and they are comfortable. If you couldn't tell I've always been a jokester. It's become my thing. I'm fine with that but when I look back I realize my jokes used to be a lot happier. Now a days my jokes are kind of dark and sarcastic. It still makes people laugh and I didn't notice it until recently. But some of my joke still have the fun heartened playful feel to it. But some of the jokes I look back at are just down right offensive or rude. I take jokes to far. If you didn't know that then you don't know me. I get into fights with people because of some jokes. So now I've decided on something. Instead of making jokes that I think other people will enjoy a lot Im going to make jokes I think are funny. Before I thought that making offensive or rude jokes would be the best kind of jokes to make people laugh. While that some times is the case it gets old fast. So now I have decided to change. Not for other people but for myself. I'm sick of making people sad or think I'm some offensive mean jokester. I know I'm mean. I know some people don't like me. But that's just how I am. I'll be a little mean from time to time but I'm stopping it. I want to make others feel good with my jokes. And make them bring people up and not tear them down. I'm just sick of people getting sad over my jokes and I'm sick of hurting people. So no more hurting people. If I make a few mean jokes I'm sorry. It's just who I am. I'll be mean from time to time. But isn't everybody? That's all I had to say.