A Heart Divided

Chapter 5

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            Onew likes me?  I don't know what to think anymore, I wasn't expecting this at all. Since when? Why now?

“What? How could you possibly like me? You have never once shown any interest in me before, so why now?”

           Onew's face becomes angry again but he also looks hurt, as if someone he trusted just stabbed him in the back. His voice got loud again, but you can hear a crack as he speaks with an emotional voice and says, “I've never shown any interest in you before?! I've never shown any interest?!!?!! Who was there for you when you had no one to talk to? Who was the one that would stay up all night talking on the phone with you until the next morning?!! Who was the one that would sing to you lullabies over the phone on the nights when you couldn't fall asleep? Who was the one that always ran to you every time you would cry?!?! Who would hold you in their arms and tell you that everything will be alright? "

            I could see the anger and frustration in him, and the vein’s in his neck popping out from his anger. He took a pause and a deep breath as he closed his eyes.  His body shook in anger, then he continued speaking, “Have the boys that you liked in the past ever done that for you? No. Only me. But you know what? I'm tired of it. I don't want to do that anymore for you. I'm done, I give up. I'm done looking at only you, and hopping that maybe one day you might look at me back, because I understand now, you never will look at me as more than just a friend.”

           Onew looks up at the sky and releases a big sigh, as if releasing all the anger and frustration in his body. He then looks back at me calmly and says, “Do whatever you want, I won't stop you, because I'm officially taking myself out of your life. So please do me the favor and don't look for me to comfort you when you get hurt, because I'm just going to ignore you. I know it might not seem fair to you…. But I can’t keep being the same way with you when you have feelings for another man, not anymore, espesially now that you know how I feel…it’s not fair to me either.”

             I'm just standing there in front of him with my eyes wide open as I try to process the words that are coming out of his mouth. He’s leaving me. Tears begin to race down my cheeks. Onew closes his eyes at the sight of my tears. He tightens his lips together and begins to walk away from me. 'Stop him' I yell to myself as I watch Onew's back go farther away from me. I try yelling out to him “WAIT, DON'T GO, I NEED YOU!”  But it's no use. It’s as if my voice was stolen. No mater how much I want to yell, the only thing that escapes from my mouth is silence. My body is frozen and unable to move. I'm defenseless as the pain in my heart attacks me, not allowing me to move a muscle. I’m paralyzed. The only thing I can do is cry as I watch the person I truly care for in the whole world turn the corner without looking back.

And just like that I watched as he disappeared from my life.

-*-

           The wind blows strong all around me. It’s becoming colder and stronger. It hisses in my ear coldly sending chills down my spine. The wind moves the world around me fast as if it’s trying to knock me off my feet. I’m dizzy.

            After a while of standing in the cold unable to move from the shock, I regained my senses. I whipped the frozen tears that are stuck on my cheeks and pulled my indigo knitted scarf up, covering my red nose. I headed to the bus stop slowly trying not to fall over from the dizziness. Like I said before, Onew and I are next door neighbor's, so I stopped at his house. I need to talk to him, we can’t just let things go they way they did. He likes me. I’m so stupid and slow….idiot. He has always been there for me. How could I not notice? He’s always treated me different from everyone else. The way he would gently look at me and hold me in his arm any time I just needed a simple hug. I can’t loose that. How could I live?

             I'm standing at his porch and ring the shinny golden doorbell with my frozen finger.  What do I say? ‘I need you’?  Yea…. Just tell him how much you need him. What if he rejects me like he said he would? I need you. God I’m so selfish. I’m sorry.

            His mom opened the door. A small cute woman about my height, with a cute little round face and short thin fluffy black hair. It’s a typical old lady hair style, but it looks cute on her. She greats me at the door with the same happy smiling eyes as Onew’s.

“Good afternoon! Is Onew here?” I ask her in a happy tone so she wont be worried.

“Oh, No he's not. I thought he was with you! Hmmm~ I wonder were he is? And he forgot his phone here this morning. Well he should be here soon then; he doesn’t do much when he’s not with you, oh! Shhhh~ don’t tell him I said that!” she winks at me and starts to giggle. She steps to the side opening the door more and says, “You can go wait in his room if you want.”

“Thank you, can you call my parents please, and tell them I’m here, my phone doesn't have any battery.”

Onew's mom nods as she picks up the phone to dial my house.

               I walk up the stairs to Onew's room. It's understandable when people asked us if we were a couple, Onew and I have been inseparable since the first day we met. Most of the time we’re here hanging out in his room, or outside in some park just walking or goofing around, talking about nothing important, but never running out of what to say. ‘You two just look good together’, I remember the words the Cute old lady from the scarf both told us that day, when Onew got me the scarf I’m wearing on my neck. I walk into his room and see that he hasn't made his bed -again-, so I start fixing it for him. After I'm done, I go and sit in my usual sitting spot, a beanbag chair placed at the end of his bed. Ever since we started middle school, he has forbid me from sitting on his bed.

;Flashback;

“HEY! Get off my bed!”

“Why?!”

“Just cuz! Get off, sit on the floor or something”

  “What!? On the floor!? I am A GIRL”

“Exactly, a girl shouldn’t be so free and willing to sit in a mans bed”

“pfft. A man?”

“HEY! Don’t crush my man hood like that!”

“Says the guy who’s voice cracks every second”

“SHUT UP! My voice is changing! Just get off my bed! Go! Get up.”

“OK, OK. But why are you kicking me off now? Does my Femininity distract you~”

“Femini- HA! As if there’s anything feminine about you. What the hell is going to distract me? Your Plank like body?”

“HOW DARE YOU! I’M AN 'A CUP' NOW FOR YOUR INFORMATION!’

“WHAT THE HECK! DON’T JUST SHARE THAT SO FREELY!”

“JUST FORGET IT! I’ll sit on the floor!”

;End of flashback;

              We grew up so fast over the years. No. Onew grew up, I stayed childish and innocent. Ignorant to the feelings that I could have developed for Onew. I should have realized that day, that the real world isn’t as innocent as the child’s mind. Two people of the opposite sex can’t be just best friends forever. So what do I do now?