Dear readers,
For me spending time wishing for things is just a waste of time. For sure I believe in wants and desires, but they can be acted upon at your own free will. In my own life I do have hopes but somewhere deep inside I think to myself 'why do I let myself hope for things when I know I'm never going to achieve much, I just saying who would want a emotionally fucked up woman anywhere near them'. It's easy enough putting myself together for the public to see, yet those who I interact with only get a sense of how many cracks that show. There are days where I struggle to function properly and my emotions go to ice and blocking people out is so much easier then allowing myself to cry. Do feel free to correct me but it's my belief that crying is a huge sign of weakness and vulnerability.
Of course I've dreamed about my future, yet recently it's feels like I don't have one. They say dream and believe but how can they say that when they haven't lived through 18 years of shit and negativity. Growing up the way I did was cruelty but you know what, I became independent. Sure I once dreamed about having parents who where actually around to support me instead of popping in every so often checking to see your still coping. People say to me you shouldn't self harm, to those I'm speaking to you, can you really sit there reading this and know in your hearts how much mental and emotional pain I live through, some of you may think you know me, others you may get a clearer picture of who I am as a person but really, you only know what I choose to share.
It's been mentioned to me that my writing is quite mature, yet many of these chapters came from emotional distress at certain points. For example this little letter, is coming from my tears, tapping into those deep emotions is so hard. I live in darkness, sure people say there's no such thing as living in darkness, I can prove them wrong. They also say that there is someone special for us all out there somewhere, I'd like to believe that but I'm not sure, yes there is a few men who've stood out in my life, they know themselves who they are. The hardest thing for me is waking up halfway through the night after dreaming of something I'd wish to be perfect it's upsetting, if or when you meet him/her outside your dream, I myself find it hard to allow myself be who I am for someone who could be a potential other half.
Lots of love
Natasha xx
P.s. I can't give yous a day when the next chapter will be, I'm trying to keep my sanity in check, there's a variable in my life I can't control yet it drives me crazy no matter how much I try distract myself. Anyway enjoy something completely honest, hope I didn't fuck this up
YOU ARE READING
the cracks that appear
Short Storythis is a story based on events that took place in my life, some chapters are fiction and are not. the book indulges of dreams that once crossed my mind. the book also gives a deep understanding of my past and how i became the woman i am today. Pl...
