Here's to the tough decisions.....
He's the man I love even from the pain of losing him the first time you'd think I would have gotten over him but I never really did, I guess he didn't either. Knowing his work schedule and having him want to talk and explain everything leaves open doors, I feel weak and confused, I have friends with benefits with one guy which I met through tinder. I try to forget that days before the break up I almost refused to get out of bed, I wasn't sleeping, I was crying so much, I ended up listening to the saddest music I could find and started crying while doing summer work, it felt like I lost a little bit of me when the relationship ended. Once I learned that the pain of not having him there was becoming normal, I lost weight, got designer sunglasses and even dyed my hair deep down wanting him to realise that he lost someone amazing. Looking back our biggest mistake was jumping in, when just out of past relationships, mentally at the time 8 felt okay until the day we called it quits, everything crumbled, my life literally lost meaning, til this day it feels like that, sure I've brushed up on a skill but it's no use when I'm dealing with casual fun. Yes I will admit I play dangerous games but the true reason why is because I'm trying to get my heart to focus on something else. I remember the day we met I was having coffee with my best friend and he just happened to have some free time so he came hung out with us, I shouted coffee being the nice person I am. I remember how we just clicked and started flirting even with my best friend there. For a few nights we were up chatting til 2 maybe 3 in the morning getting to know each other, it was the best, I've never had more fun than I did then. On the Saturday night he was at home, very unusual for him but we called and flirted some more, I think I was up almost all night, I wish I was with him that night it felt natural just to be with him even if it was just on video. These uncertainties are driving me insane, I can't sleep properly and the layers of hurt are still pulled back. I miss him...
YOU ARE READING
the cracks that appear
Contothis is a story based on events that took place in my life, some chapters are fiction and are not. the book indulges of dreams that once crossed my mind. the book also gives a deep understanding of my past and how i became the woman i am today. Pl...
