the cracks that appear

Wait and See

Hey everyone, it's been a rough week but I'm healing, mending a broken heart is hard but when u could have easily spotted the signs, it hurts way worse.
So here I've written a piece in which the guy who caused this havok.

My care and love for you is permanent, at first I didn't relaise how much I needed you, that hasn't changed, theres a bit of my heart that belongs to you. My heart longs for something more but knowing that it won't happen leads to having a darkness in me, ever since you found happiness, im happy for u but there's part of me that hates it. You want me to be happy but I know it hurts you like ur relationship hurts me. Been closing my heart and my emotions doing everything I can to avoid anything that reminded me of things we did and said. I'm glad u didn't cut me out despite what your other half has said. How things could have been different, we may not have had to deal with this pain, its like a repeat of when u got back with her. Your confession led to me falling for u again and I wasn't prepared for it, I wasn't expecting it. The first day u told me I was in shock, I honestly thought that when our hearts found a missing piece in the other that connection would fade but this confession proves me wrong. The fresh new scars I bare remind me of the times where there was someone I could turn to at any point, that feeling isn't really there anymore. It's going to take some time for the clouds to drift back over my life but I hope u know, my trust, care and love won't fail. Guess this is my way of telling u that I need u. Maybe we did things we weren't supposed to said things we weren't supposed to but majority of my heart is wondering why create what ifs when the woman u love is right next to u, there's also this part of me that can't stand that there's maybe's left between us. All I know right now is I have to retreat back into my darkness and seek those small time things that fills a void. In writing this my heart wishes that she makes you happy but then I look to the part of my heart I don't own anymore, your stamp was layered over it, it wishes that things could be so different. You say we can be just friends but do friends really cross lines like we did?.

There's a few things I know and they are how much I care for you, how despite my efforts you managed to break me for the second time. The faint scars I bare show proof that you broke me so much that I don't even know how to begin to fixing myself. This heartbreak is a killer, it took 3 days to heal the last time but now its already been a week yet gathering myself seems way beyond my reach. You know fully well how my head processes things, I let you close enough to see it. There was trust there once, those wedges you put between us killed some faith I had in you. When you broke me first time a part of me sensed the conflict within you but God was I too busy keeping myself together. But you landed a bombshell on me and shifted almost everything I thought was right, I let myself care for you again, that hope opened half closed wounds. You saw me at my weakest and at my strongest yet you still cared for me, then events change everything and it feels like you forgot that part of you that we traded to each other.

This isn't a general heartbreak you read about but yet it's one in which has layers upon layers of my tears, takes a huge amount to break me, the defences I built need reconstruction, my heart needs mending, yet all I feel is cold and darkness.